I, My, Me Half Strawberry Blond
by Anchoku
Summary: An I, My, Me Strawberry Eggs flavored fan fiction continuing Ranma Nibun no Ichi.
1. I, My, Me ½ Strawberry Blond 1

-1**I, My, Me - ½ Strawberry Blond**

An I, My, Me - Strawberry Eggs-flavored fan fiction continuing Ranma 1/2.

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to I My Me! Strawberry Eggs belong to YOM, TNK and the IMM! Committee

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hibiki Amawa just found a job. And he did it as a guy, too! It seems the previous PE teacher couldn't take the stress and got a job at another school far away from Nerima. The assistant coach for women's teams was rumored to be pregnant with his child anyway so it was no surprise they both left together looking for greener and less violent pastures in which they could safely raise a normal baby sports-otaku.

Meanwhile, Ranma is having trouble with his grades. Actually, he's doing poorly, if not outright failing all his classes with the unsurprising exception of PE. The teachers just cannot bear to see him suffer in school as a student any longer and, if Ranma only knew, he'd be ecstatic. Unfortunately, for both teachers and student, there's still an opportunity for an assistant coach for women's sports and the pigtailed youth would never know just how close he came to true happiness.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Picture a dark council chamber with faces lit imposingly by their own, characteristic colors. The Vice Principal sits in a cone of pale light with his hands steepled in front of his face in eerie contemplation as if he were Ikari and the school board were SEELE. Now, forget all that and picture a mousy, bespectacled, middle aged man addressing a group of five prominent, business and community leaders (three men and two women) discussing and cogitating on matters of great- Hmmm, perhaps it _is_ a bit like NGE - with fluorescent instead of spooky mood lighting and a worn, simulated wood grain table instead of some post-neon-modernist computo-furniture.

"We were fortunate in finding a replacement for Outa-sensei so quickly," said the slightly shrunken and over-weight, fifty-ish woman opposite the Vice Principal.

"As you say, he is both qualified and… economical. A real find in this day and age." This comment from the withered man in a withered, black suit to her left.

"To describe him in such a way does not do him justice. He is indeed qualified and seems both professional and passionate. A rare quality in today's teaching environment. His youth should not be held against him," retorted the primly sitting and traditionally dressed woman between Mr. "economical" and the VP. She was as well known for her contrarian comments as she was her determination to prove she ran the best grocery in the ward.

"Quite right. I would rather invest in an inexperienced and passionate youth than, say, a recently retired salary man who regards the position as more of a hobby providing income," the over-weight Macudonorudo restaurant owner chimed in from opposite of Mr. Withered.

"Agreed. Agreed. I would not, in any case, refer to him as "economical" outside of the board," said the first woman who clearly expected reason would prevail.

"Hmm… are we done yet? I got errands to do yet for the wife," said the last male member, ignoring the not-so-subtle barb from "Big Mac" as he thought of him.

"Right. Moving along, Vice Principal, you did well finding Hibiki-kun. Do you think you can find us a female counterpart?" asked the grandmotherly figure.

"Yamagawa-san," said the VP, "let's discuss how to select the right candidate. I think we can all agree she need not be as qualified as Hibiki-kun but a strong constitution is advisable given the… enthusiasm of the female student body."

As the meeting continued into the early evening, the Vice Principal and School Board agreed there is far too much work for only one PE teacher and the parents prefer to have the girls' teams coached by a woman. At this, the Treasurer and master grocer expressed her concern over the budget. The flagging economy in general, and in Nerima in particular, was constricting the budgets of all the schools; which was why the topic was even being discussed at such a high level. The Secretary, anxious to fulfill his spousal duties and get the tofu and leeks requested, suggested hiring one of the students part time to save money and found enough support with the rest of the board to explore this option. The... strongly-built, Chairwoman of the Board then asked the VP to compile a list of candidates and explore the idea to determine its viability. With that, the meeting dissolved with a plan to re-convene there in a week, next Monday night, to hear the Vice Principal's report.

Tuesday morning, the Vice Principal began a search for likely teachers-in-training. His search bore fruit in the form of Tendo Akane and Kuonji Ukyou after remembering the little problem with gender on the later girl's record. Prudently, he also decided to post the position on various bulletin boards just to see what other resources might be out there. Tendo and Kuonji were solicited for interviews directly.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Thursday, after school

A young woman wearing a regulation boy's uniform decorated with a non-regulation bandolier of spatulas was wringing the handle of a _much _larger spatula. "Let me see if I got this straight. I get out of half my classes to teach sports to a bunch of girls who aren't all that interested in the first place. Then, I get to spend the afternoon and probably most of Saturday coachin' teams instead of cookin' Okonomiyaki. And I'll even get paid 650,000 en a year? You gotta be kid'n' me. I gross that much in a week and net it in three months working part time after school and on weekends. And you want me to give up my Art for _that?_"

The Vice Principal tried not to let the flashing edge of the giant pizza shovel distract him. "Kuonji-dono, please don't wave that thing around in here. I regret you do not find the position suitable. Could you recommend anyone else?"

With a sigh, Ukyou said, "You could try Tendo Akane. Maybe she'd do it." 'If she takes the job I'll have more time with my Ran-chan and that can't be bad.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Friday, after lunch

"You need coach for school? Shampoo very good warrior! Make all womans proud to fight for school. Shampoo take job. It no pay much but get Shampoo away Nekohanten, Hiba-chan, and stupid duck and very much closer to Airen. Where Shampoo signnnn-," the teenage, Chinese warrior trailed off after a wooden staff rung her head like ripe a melon.

Picking up her unconscious ward, the Amazon Elder declared, "Shampoo cannot afford the time to teach as she has previous commitments and is, herself, still a student under my tutelage."

Once outside the school's administrative office, Shampoo awoke to the insistent drumming of her elder's cane on her forehead and is quickly cautioned to remain silent until they've returned to the Nekohanten. When they arrive, Cologne rounds on her great grand daughter.

"Fool child," she said showing a bit of temper. "What did you think you were doing applying for a job like that? And as a public servant no less."

Switching to Mandarin, Shampoo stated her case. "The coaching job would have gotten me closer to my beloved. I thought you'd be happy I found out about the position and applied for it," she said while looking for all the world hurt, confused and totally innocent. Well, almost innocent… sort of.

"We're in this country illegally, child. We don't have problems with the local authorities because we operate under the table and pay them off with favors. But a teaching job would mean a paycheck. That requires records filed with the Nerima school district, Nerima Ward, Tokyo's central offices and the Japanese government. You think the school can just forget to list your address? They can't even begin to file paperwork for taxes without an identification number, which you don't have because we're here illegally."

"I did _not_ want to pay taxes anyway. I don't understand what the problem is."

"My dear girl. If the paperwork isn't correct, it would get rejected and you would be fired. There's also a good chance some lowly government official would be tasked with finding out why it wasn't right in the first place and try to _make_ it right. The questions that person would ask most assuredly would lead to problems with the Japanese government. They could try to hand us over to or, at least contact, the Communists' embassy and that would cause very unwelcome problems for our tribe."

"I don't understand this stuff at all. We've never needed identification here before. We don't need it at home, either. I guess I can accept what you say but I don't see how not having some stupid number can hurt us."

"I know, child. I know. It's just the way the world works nowadays. You, I and mister part-time must be ready to disappear at a moments notice. It's bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope we can convince son-in-law you're the best choice before that happens."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Friday, after school

Tendo Akane sat in a chair staring at the Vice Principal from across his desk. The chair wasn't the intentionally uncomfortable one normally used for dealing with troublesome students, parents and teachers. This one was borrowed from one of the office ladies and was very comfortable. That, however, proved insufficient to the cause.

"I'm _already_ on the volleyball team. I want to play but don't have _time_ to coach. Coaching would cut into Drama Club. Besides, my grades are pretty good and I want to go to college after I graduate so why would I want to drop half my classes and play sports every afternoon?"

Disappointed but realizing he probably wouldn't get very far with the youngest Tendo, the VP decided to play his best card. "Is there _anything_ we can do to convince you to take the position?"

"Mr. Vice Principal, I'm actually trying to cut _down_ on my extracurricular activities so I can concentrate on Drama and my entrance exams. I know my grades aren't the best and I'm probably not that good an actor but I'd still like to at least get into a women's college somewhere. This job would pretty much cancel my plans."

Letting out a tired sigh, he replied, "A previous applicant recommended you. I don't suppose you could recommend someone else? It's not easy finding a student athlete who has participated in two or more school sports and is interested in starting a teaching career early."

"Hmmm…" Gazing over the VP's head, Akane blinked both physically and mentally. Then, did it again. "No. That would never work," she said half to herself.

"What, or should I say, who? Any recommendations would be most welcome." 'Come on. Come on. Give me something to work with; anything,' he thought.

"Hehe… It's actually kind of funny but I _do_ know someone who is an excellent swimmer, has participated in Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics and Martial Arts Cheerleading. She," Akane said with a giggle, "is very athletic, energetic and learns quickly if motivated. She also wants to be a Martial Arts instructor. Maybe I should get my sisters to talk to her." Akane quickly covered her mouth as she was unable to prevent a fit of very un-lady-like snickering.

"This person you are thinking of; which school does she go to? And, what is her name, if I may ask?"

"Why, Furinkan, of course. She's going to be a second-year, like me."

"I don't understand how I missed her. Tell me, if the position were to grow a bit into a full time teaching job, what other skills does she possess?"

"Let's see… She knows the Martial Arts Tea Ceremony." This is getting _fun_! "She's an amazing cook…" Akane trailed off. 'Though I think I'll need a second opinion about the cooking recommendation.'

"Really? She knows some of the classical arts?"

"Ahh… Yes. She also knows first aid and is very protective of other girls."

"Does she know how to wash and mend clothes? Can she sew at all?"

'Where's he going with this? The VP's getting all weird on me.' "Well… I don't really know that much about her," 'and it's really bugging me that I'm just now realizing this,' "but I've often seen her wearing new outfits," 'disguises,' "and I know she doesn't have any money."

Smiling, the Vice Principal said, "She doesn't have much money? Does she have a job right now? If she's a student, there _are_ restrictions."

"No. She doesn't work right now. But, she has worked as a waitress and delivery girl before." 'How DOES Ranma get all those costumes and disguises? I've been assuming Kasumi-oneechan's been fixing the tears in Ranma's clothes but I've seen how beat up they get every day so who fixed them before the Saotome's got to my house?' "I think she's also worked in a hot spring resort, too, but I couldn't get her to talk about it much."

'This is getting better but I can't get my hopes up.' "Tendo-kun, you say this young lady is a student here. What are her grades like?"

"Urk! Her grades? They're, uhh, okay, I guess. Well… not actually okay. Sort of more like, umm… not so okay."

'Hmmm… leverage. This is good. I haven't had any with the other candidates. Or lawn gnomes for that matter.' "Would you say she could pass a high school equivalency test?"

"Ahhhh, maybe?"

"…"

"Probably not," she said, blowing out a huge sigh at the thought of Ranma's study habits.

"If the rest of the faculty could help her finish high school, do you think she may accept the job as assistant coach for women's teams?"

"Oh! Uhh, I think I should talk this over with her and my sister, first!"

"That's all right Tendo-kun. Please do. But promise me you'll _do_ so and quickly get back to me so I can arrange an interview. We hope to fill this position by the end of the week and there's quite a lot to do, yet."

"Yes. Right! I mean, of course I'll let you know as soon as possible," Akane said while wringing her hands nervously. 'Oh, crap! Ranma's going to pitch a fit! And he'll have every right, too. Baka!' Akane thought, though it wasn't clear to her just who she had in mind. It certainly seemed appropriate at the moment.

"Oh. And, Tendo-kun? May I have the name of the person in question? I've noticed your reluctance to give that information out. I think I at least deserve to know who's at the top of my short list right now. Don't you?"

"Er… yeah… Yes. I guess you do. His… ah… hernameisSaotomeRanma.I'dbetterbegoingMrVicePrinicpal.Seeyoulaterbye."

Watching Tendo Akane leave in something just short of a panic, the Vice Principal stared at the closing door immobilized from shock at the revelation. 'How did I miss him- her- whatever? This is going to be a hard sell even if the boy-girl cooperates.' Looking over his notes he sees a disturbing, if not un-welcome, pattern. 'If Saotome-kun really _was_ a girl, I could almost imagine how she'd fit right into the female athlete crowd. Best of all, Morita-kun has been saying she'd like to be moved into a more academic position like literature. That would leave an open position in women's studies and domestic arts.' Tiredly pushing himself away from his desk, the VP stands clasping his hands behind his back before turning to look out the window behind him.

Staring at the gently swaying trees in the filled with verdant colors of spring, he pondered the information gleaned from the most recent interview. 'The youngest Tendo was clearly surprised I took her seriously and she probably doesn't think I'll follow through with this now that I know who I'm dealing with. Saotome-kun doesn't know a thing and will most likely panic and reject the idea immediately.' Silently, he weighed the risk of possible injury to the cursed boy's pride against coming up empty to the school's Board of Directors.

A quick prayer to whatever kami might reside in the school helped resolve any outstanding moral obligations before he turned back to his desk. 'If I'm to have any chance with Saotome-kun, I'll need to attack while the advantage is mine. First, I need to get Saotome's file, heavy that it is, and ask Hibiki-kun to review it along with my notes before he leaves for the day. Next, I'll have to get the board members on a conference call to see how desperate they are or, if I'm just wasting my time. It wouldn't be the first time they've wanted someone with serious credentials but wouldn't pay for it.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As Akane walked home, the interview replayed itself in her head over and over again. 'I thought it was a joke but he was serious, even sounded positive, about considering Ranma. At least, he was until I told him just who I was thinking about. I hope he's not too mad at me for leading him on like that. Ha! That baka a teacher? Come _on_!'

Akane's walk down the cool damp street slowed until she found herself staring at the fence along the drainage canal Ranma likes to walk on. 'I guess I don't know as much about the baka as I thought. Coach for girl's sports? The sickening thing about it is I didn't actually lie about anything. Ranma really _did_ do Rhythmic Gymnastics and Cheerleading. He's a much better swimmer than I am. Practically a fish in the water.

'And what's with the questions on cooking and sewing? That was right after I said something about him knowing first aid, wasn't it?' She let out a "hrumph" at that thought. 'Mr. Poster-child for Band-Aids! I've got to get home and talk to Nabiki!' Once again picking up her feet, the remaining distance between school and home rapidly disappears as her imagination wanders. 'Ranma's clothes don't have holes in them the next day. "She" has always been able to "find" suitable costumes for whenever he wants to act like a baka. The only time Ranma's ever cooked the food looked and smelled good - until the accident wrecked it, that is. Wait a minute, there was a time we stayed in Ukyou's restaurant and helped run it for her but I didn't eat any, then. Certainly no one complained about it… not until the two pervert boys wrecked everything,' she thought as she pushed through the gate to Tendo-ke.

"Tadaima," she called as she kicked off her shoes in the genkan and was answered with an, "Okaerinasai," from her oldest sister. Quickly changing direction to head into the kitchen instead of going up the stairs, Akane confronted her over the rice steamer where it sat on the counter between the sink and stove.

"Kasumi!" Akane said, somehow managing to sound both imperious and breathless at the same time, "do you fix the rips in Ranma's clothes?"

"Akane-chan?" Kasumi replied.

"Please, Onee-chan," Akane implored, "do you fix all the rips and tears in Ranma's clothes?"

Kasumi, wondering what was running through her excitable little sister's head, decided to answer; partly in hope of getting a better explanation. "No. I _have_ repaired some of Ranma-kun's and Uncle's clothes on occasion but I don't often have the chance. Ranma-kun usually takes care of both his and Uncle's clothing before giving it to me to wash. I must say, he does a fine job of it, too. Why do you ask?"

Kasumi might very well have asked, "What is the difference between chicken and fish?" Akane just stared until the next question surfaced from her tumultuous mind. "Have you ever made girl's clothes for Ranma?"

"Girl's clothes? Like what?" Kasumi asked, calling Akane's one question and raising her to two as curiosity began to get the best of her.

"How about… how about something like a formal, yellow, western-style dress with red bows and a white blouse or, her one-piece with 'boy' sewn on her chest or… or, a tight little bunny costume with a cute puff ball on her butt."

"Oh, my. No. I don't think I've ever done anything like that. Do you think Ranma bought them, Akane-chan?"

"No, I don't think Ranma has any money, Onee-chan. Nabiki-neechan never leaves him with much more than ice-cream money," Akane replied thoughtfully.

"If you'd like to borrow one of those things from Ranma-kun, I'm sure he would let you," said Kasumi watching her sister get distracted by the thought of wearing Ranma's bunny suit. It was amazing the range of emotional expression her little sister could exhibit. One moment her brows are furrowed and the corners of her mouth turned down as her mind searched for a way to connect her thoughts to reality. The next, she adds a slight blush to her cheeks while her lips twitch with a ghost of a grimace at the conclusion she'd drawn.

Stifling the urge to giggle at her silly little sister, Kasumi went back to preparing dinner. 'It's such a damp cool day a hot bowl of kitsune udon sounds perfect. However, Uncle and Ranma's appetites are quite healthy and I'd already planned on smoked herring tonight and the rice is almost done. Perhaps tomorrow we'll have udon. It'll be Saturday so I could meet Nabiki, Akane, and Ranma at school with a basket of snacks and we could all make a trip to the market to pick up something to customize the udon tomorrow evening. And I'll have help carrying the groceries.' Setting some pickled daikon in a dish Kasumi almost felt Akane return to reality from wherever her mind had been.

"Um… does Ranma know how to cook?" Akane asked sounding justifiably uncomfortable.

'Another interesting question to ponder.' If anything, Akane's voice conveyed even more of a need for an answer than the last set of curious conundrums. "Cooking is an Art, Akane-chan. There are many levels of ability."

Akane looked at her sister and returned the volley asking, "You've seen Ranma cook. Would you say he's a beginner? If not, where did he learn it if he hadn't seen his mother for ten years?"

"Oh my, Akane. That _is_ an interesting question and I see how it ties to your previous questions as well. I would say that, while Ranma-kun doesn't show mastery of either art he does have some skill. And, since he seemed to have it before coming to stay with us, or re-uniting with his mother, it would stand to reason he learned these things on his travels. I must say Ranma-kun shows more skill than most of my former classmates when I was his age. He must be very proud of himself." 'I know he'll make a beautiful wife for some lucky tomboy. I wonder if little sis realizes how much of herself she gives away talking about Ranma-kun like that. "Puff ball on her butt", hmmm?'

As her sister's words sank in, Akane noticed a twinkle in her eyes and secret smile as Kasumi stared at Akane expectantly. The conversation had taken a disturbing turn somewhere and Akane was suddenly motivated to find somewhere less… disturbing. Spinning on her heels, she headed in search of her other sister. Nabiki would know what everything meant. She always did and was happy to share the answers for a small fee.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Onee-chan, are you busy?" Akane asked as she opened her sister's bedroom door and let herself in.

Nabiki, looking up from her desk, turned toward the door and said, "I'm working on a practice exam for cram school but could use a break right now, anyway," pointing to the open test booklet with her sharp pencil. Not that it was all that visible surrounded as it was by texts on uncommon kanji, grammar, vocabulary, English, math, chemistry, physics, literature, more than one dictionary and a stack of study guides. "Kasumi will probably call us for dinner, soon. What's up, little sis?"

"Does Ranma make his own disguises?" Akane asked, looking for all the world like Nabiki felt trying to decipher the English grammar question on clauses in front of her.

"Well, that's an unusual question. Why the sudden curiosity about your iinazuke?" 'Heh. I knew there wasn't enough weirdness today. This ought to fill the quota.'

"He's not my-" Akane started to say, slightly miffed Nabiki wasn't being serious, but was interrupted as her sister held up her hand.

"Save it for the two idiots, sis. You're not fooling anyone but yourself in here."

Akane paused for a breath before beginning again. "Ehhh, you know how I had to stay after school today to talk to the Vice Principal?"

"Akane, what does Ranma making disguises have to do with your interview for girls' coach?"

"Well, I turned down the VP's offer-"

"Good for you! That was a dead-end job and the salary was an insult."

"-but the VP asked me to recommend an alternate and I told him I knew someone. Just as a joke mind you, but he got all serious and then started asking about some other stuff like sewing and cooking and called it classical studies and said I should talk this over with someone and get back to him-"

"Little Sis! Get a grip and just tell me what's on your mind."

"I-I sort of … volunteered Ranma and talked him up a bit."

"…Bwahahahahah! Good one, sis!" Nabiki barked leaning back on two legs of her chair before tossing her pencil onto the desk. Letting her chair back down on the front two legs, Nabiki looked at the shock on her sister's face and tried, unsuccessfully, to hide a large smirk and several snickers behind her left hand.

She waited for Akane to get over her sudden bout of speechlessness and almost erupted into laughter again when she realized Akane wasn't coming out of it any time soon. "Come on, Akane. It's not like this is going anywhere. Ranma will probably pout about it like the baby he can sometimes be and that will be the end of it."

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, Akane felt a great weight lift and said, "You're probably right, Onee-chan. I mean, all Ranma has to do is say no." Turning to leave, Akane threw a, "See you in a few minutes for dinner!" over her shoulder as she closed the door behind her.

Nabiki stared at the door and reviewed the amusing conversation she just had with her sister. What in the world did Ranma's "disguises", transparent as they are, have to do with the rest of the conversation? Somehow I just know finding out why Akane was thinking about Ranma-chan's clothes is going to be a blast.

Returning her gaze to the practice test on English, Nabiki sighed mentally as she realized her enthusiasm for studying had just dipped to a new low. The weirdness surrounding her little sister and iinazuke left a hunger for excitement English just couldn't fill. 'This _has_ to be one of those exceptions. They _all_ are', she thought as her mood grayed.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The ringing of the telephone in the hall brought Kasumi out of the kitchen to answer it. "Hello, Tendo residence… That is correct… All right. Could you please wait a moment?"

Placing the telephone's handset next to its base on the table in the hall, Kasumi called out to the panda playing Go with her father in the main room. "Saotome-Oji-san, it's the school calling about Ranma-kun."

The panda responded with sign stating he was busy right now before flipping it to reveal another note asking to take a message. It took Kasumi a little extra time to read both messages because the paw-writing was especially poor. 'It's probably quite difficult for a panda to write a message while keeping father honest.'

Returning to the telephone, Kasumi relayed the message but the voice on the other end said it was important and reiterated his request.

Once again, Kasumi was forced to decipher panda calligraphy. I'm sorry Kasumi-chan, but your father is most skillful. His game requires all of my attention or I may miss a critical play.

Before picking up the receiver again, Kasumi resolved to end this discussion soon so she could finish the pickle tray and serve dinner. "I'm very sorry but Saotome-kun's father is not available. May I take a message?… His mother?… Why yes, I think I have her number. Eeeetoooo. Ah, here it is." And Kasumi unwittingly helped along the unfortunate chain of events leading to one of the most difficult and embarrassing challenges Ranma would ever faced.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Saotome-san?… This is Vice Principal Hamasaki of Furinkan High School. I'd like to talk to you about your child."


	2. I, My, Me ½ Strawberry Blond 2

**I, My, Me - ½ Strawberry Blond**

An I, My, Me - Strawberry Eggs-flavored fan fiction continuing Ranma 1/2.

Chapter 2

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belongs to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to I My Me! Strawberry Eggs belongs to YOM, TNK and the IMM! Committee

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Somewhere across Nerima from the Tendos a telephone rang in a small apartment recently renovated after having sustained Martial Artist Damage.

"Saotome-san?"

"Hello? This is Saotome Nodoka."

"This is Vice Principal Hamasaki of Furinkan High School. I'd like to talk to you about your child."

"Ranma-chan? There isn't anything wrong with him, is there?"

"No, no, no! He hasn't been injured or any such thing. It's just, your son and I each have a problem. Problems which might be resolved if we work together."

"Why? What wrong? He's not in any trouble with the school is he?"

"This is not a disciplinary issue, I can assure you. Despite his, shall we say, active lifestyle," 'a few of' "the staff has noticed much of the damage around the school grounds was caused by other students." 'Or, that insufferable idiot I'm forced to work for and clean up after.' "No, this is more a matter of your son's academic performance."

"You mean his grades? Ranma hasn't fallen behind in one of his classes, has he? I admit, he just returned from romantically saving Tendo Akane-chan's life in China after she was captured by a foreign bird-woman. And then there was the wedding two Sundays ago. Some of the other girls and boys are so enamored of my son... Oooooh! My little boy is soooo manly! You should have seen him in his tuxedo! And Akane-chan was so beautiful-!"

"Ahem! Saotome-san?" 'Bird-woman? Wedding? I hadn't heard those two were married.' "Saotome-san? If you could-"

"Waaiiii, waiiiii." Unbeknownst to the Vice Principle, the Mother of Ranma was doing a very credible Snoopy Dance. Hence only one, very large sweat-drop appeared on the side of his slicked-back, gray-flecked head of hair.

"_Ahem_! Saotome-san, I regret to inform you your son, Ranma-kun, is doing unacceptably poor, if not if not failing outright, in _all_ of his classes with the exception of physical education. I'm afraid many of the teaching staff feel it might be to everyone's best interest if Ranma did not return to school for his third year." The VP heard a thump on the other end of the line announcing the abrupt end of the happy dance. 'This is never good news to break to a parent. Think solemn. Be solemn. No reason to feel perversely pleased at getting her attention like that.'

"M-M-Mr. Vice Principle? C-could you repeat that, please?"

"Saotome-san, your son is on the verge of not just being held back, as exceedingly rare as that is, but of being expelled. Not for his activities or, for his attendance record, both of which have rather lenient rules due to the demands of the many athletic clubs. Saotome-kun's academic performance warrants immediate dismissal. That is not to say we, the educational staff, do not want to help him. However, if you'll forgive me for being direct, he is inattentive and often sleeps during class. While he does, occasionally, complete his evening studies, that occurs far too infrequently to help him on his examinations. Your son cannot be placed with Tendo Akane-kun into the second-year class."

"W-what can I _do_? What can Ranma-chan do to graduate? I can't have my only child bear the shame of such failure. Please, can't you help him? Please? Pretty please?" Nodoka tried valiantly to change his mind by giving the telephone her best "kawaii" look but it wasn't as effective as she would have liked.

'Muhahahaaa! I have you _now_!' "Saotome-san... I've tried. We've all tried. It's just... well, your son's responsibility to try to learn. I _am_ sorry but the boy just hasn't shown the interest in learning to justify allowing him to repeat first-year."

"Noooooooo! It's not manly to flunk out of school!"

That comment, above all others, gave him an eye-twitch. However, he had a fish to clean and so quickly schooled his thoughts. Sighing, he said, "I understand how you feel; being handed such disheartening news. I'm in a similar situation, myself. Two of my staff resigned before the end of the year and I had no one to pick up their duties. We scoured the whole country to fill one position but we're still down a teacher. _That_ is where I had hoped your son could help out."

With a startled gasp, Nodoka said, "You're kidding! You want to kick Ranma out of school and hire him as a teacher?"

"No. Not as a teacher. Ranma couldn't come close to qualifying for a regular, full-time position and he's not even seventeen, yet - far from being considered an adult."

"So… what are you saying? How can my son help?"

"The two positions that opened up were both in physical education. We found a young man more than qualified to teach physical education but he needs an assistant to help coach some of the teams. We _are_ a more athletically oriented school. We were hoping to have Ranma-kun support our new PE instructor by helping out our girls' sports teams."

"Oh, my! Oh, my! That sounds _very_ manly," Nodoka practically purred out causing VP Hamasaki to pull the phone from his ear and stare at the offending speaker as if he were trying to find where the aliens had tapped the line.

"Ahh... Saotome-san, I'm afraid your _son_ will not be acceptable to the students, staff and school Board. We already _have_ a male teacher who should be more than capable of teaching both the girls and the boys. We would like your _daughter_ to assist him, part time, with the girls. In return, she can sit in with first-year classes as well as receive additional tutoring so she may eventually earn a high school diploma."

Nodoka's shock didn't translate well through the telephone because all the VP heard were crickets chirping. 'C'mon, c'mon... work! You have no choice! Teach the girl, or expel the boy.' The wait was becoming unbearable. He needed some kind of response and soon. The wait ended suddenly.

"Okay. But there are conditions. I won't have my son tricked out of an education. You wouldn't do that, would you?"

Hamasaki Seijiro was caught off guard and committed his first error. "Of course not, madam. I want an amicable solution for both our problems." 'Aahh! Why did I say that? I didn't want to remind her I have a problem, too!' Female-fu can be a devastating style when practiced by a master.

"Oh, my! It's so wonderful my child has such a nice Vice Principal who's willing to go to such lengths to see him succeed. So Ranma will help teach gym class as a girl for half the day and attend school as a boy the other half."

And thus began the longest and most excruciating negotiation Hamasaki Seijiro had ever conducted. When he got home late that evening, his wife just waved his damp, smelly carcass into the furo. He plopped down dazedly onto the stool by the tub and washed mechanically before lowering himself into the bath to quietly veg-out. 'I swear she was intentionally misinterpreting half of what I said. I still can't decide if she's a genius, or an empty-headed idiot. But at least I stuck to my guns. She did seem to understand the school Board, and the parents they represent, would be the real obstacle.' Further thought was viciously silenced when the nap, which had been quietly stalking him for some time, attacked with vengeance.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma had just returned home from a martial arts debate with a pig, a duck, a horse and the horse's master of Martial Arts Tea Ceremony. The Vice Principal had asked Akane to visit his office after school and she didn't need his help, thank you very much. Part of Ranma wanted _no_ part of whatever trouble she had gotten into but another part worried she might be in danger. Ranma had waited at the gate, still trying to decide what to do, when that perverted idiot of a Kuno showed up and started bugging him. Pounding Kuno had lost some if its novelty so Ranma decided to do Akane a favor by leading the moron away from school before taking to the rooftops.

The plan had gone pretty well as he'd hopped from the street onto the roof of a bookstore. So well he'd thought he could spare the time to give an indignant Kuno the red-eye after launching for the next roof. That's where things started going wrong. When he had returned his attention to the roof he was arcing toward, he saw he was headed toward a flat, open roof harboring an evil-looking puddle. There had been nothing to grab or kick off of to change his angle of attack so he had tried to devise a new defensive maneuver by placing his book bag under his feet for the landing. The "Stepping Stone High Education Defense" didn't stick as well to the roof as it did to his feet and he'd ended up on his back, in a cold puddle, on a roof, in early March.

Now she was a girl. Her backside was wet and sore. And somewhere nearby Kuno was on the street. So she had decided to call it a day and make a break for the Tendo's house. A minute of roof hopping had led to a quick run along the fence and she'd almost been home. That's when her day got really messed up. And it was all the fault of that monkey's ass on a horse.

She'd stepped off the fence and onto the street less than a block from the Tendo's when her head was filled with a blinding pain causing her to pass out. Why the idiot had decided to "ask" her to help defeat his wife's monkey again, Ranma really didn't want to know. When she recovered her senses, Moose's Japanese was almost insensible (which was quite and accomplishment) when duck-boy thought the guy-smear tossing a short, busty-looking girl wearing a white, filmy, wedding dress-like thing on the horse-blob had defeated, and was claiming, his Shampoo.

Rubbing the bump on her head where tea-jerk's sidekick "accidentally" tossed a shoe, Ranma wondered how Ryouga had picked that exact moment to get un-lost and come to the bizarre conclusion she was running away to marry Mr. Tea-service. Whatever. It's not like Ryouga needs an excuse. "Gah!" Ranma groused under her breath. "After being "rescued" by that stupid duck who chained me to the horse and pronounced his undying love to Shampoo-the-street-lamp, then having P-chan screaming righteous bloody vengeance while chasing the horse I'm tied to out of town, I'm ready for supper, a bath and a nap!"

Ranma eventually stumbled through the gate, sighing in relief as she dropped her shoes in the genkan. The idea of a hot bath warred with the smell of supper.

"Ranma," she heard Akane ask. 'Here it comes', Ranma thought. 'This is where Akane says, "I'll bet you've been out with Ukyou or Shampoo again, haven't you?!"'

But what Akane said instead ended Ranma's evening a little earlier than she planned as Akane sent her into a full-tilt face-fault. "Did you make that dress?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Baka," Akane huffed out. "What in the world are you doing in an expensive looking sundress? Over your tangs, no less! You had better not have been perverted!" Glaring at Ranma, Akane was getting impatient. "Well?" With an irritated growl, Akane bent over and grabbed her fiancé by the shoulder and flopped Ranma onto her back. Akane quickly surmised her fiancé wasn't going to offer any explanation at the moment. Standing back up, she looked down at her Ranma's mussed hair, smudged nose and scuffed cheek. Then she started tapping her foot impatiently waiting for the cursed boy to wake.

"Akane-chan, is that Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked from the kitchen.

Akane sighed and replied, "Yes, big sister. The cross-dressing idiot is sleeping on the floor."

Peering out of the kitchen, Kasumi spied the lump on the floor that is the object of her little sister's ire and smiled. "Akane-chan, Ranma-chan looks tired and a bit dirty. Could you clean her up and put her to bed?"

"Huh? Why do I have to do that? Why can't Oji-san take care of him?"

"He and father are resting on the porch right now. Please, Akane-chan? I can't carry her. You don't have to use hot water. I don't think Ranma will mind much as long as she's comfortable in a warm bed."

Akane stared at her fiancé. Pursing her lips, a profound thought surfaced in her mind as her sister walked by and opened a shoji to the engawa. 'Ranma's a lot easier to get along with when she isn't talking.' Reaching down and hefting her limp fiancé, Akane turned to see Kasumi returning from the porch with two empty sake bottles, a couple of small cups and a half-filled ash tray. 'Resting my butt! They got drunk.' Tossing her pervert over her shoulder like a sack, Akane slid the shoji open to head out of the tea room toward the bath.

"Akane-chan," she heard Kasumi say softly behind her, "you know Ranma-kun loves you. You two should have been married by now. I know it's hard for you to imagine but you should be making love, sleeping together,... talking. Father loves you, too. I think the only reason you two aren't married now is Father thinks you may still need some time; time for you and Ranma to sort out your problems." Kasumi paused before adding, "Don't make him wait much longer. He and Oji-san could have married you long go. They could move you to the Saotome registry at any time. Just... please try to talk to Ranma-kun; really talk."

"Maybe," was all she said. It was all she could come up with. Resuming her trek to the bath, Akane morosely pondered her life and the burden of arranged marriage currently weighing on her right shoulder. Taking Ranma to the changing and laundry room, she opened the door, and pulled her burden back over her shoulder depositing the bizarrely dressed girl on a low stepping stool used for reaching the cupboard above the washing machine. Said burden promptly started slumping and sliding between Akane's legs toward the floor. "Fine!" Akane spat out and slid the door to the bath open before she picked her fiancé up in both arms and entering. She left Ranma sprawled on the tiled floor wearing a slightly battered, white sundress over her black tangs. Her hair was a mess, hands, feet, and face dirty, and she looked very undignified laying there with limbs akimbo. Akane sniffed wondering why she was even considering doing this. 'First I'm going to need a bucket of warm water, a wash cloth and a towel,' she thought and left to get Ranma's pajamas from upstairs and the things she would need from the change room after washing her baka fiancé.

Sighing again at the seeming unfairness of having to get her fiancé ready for bed, Akane maneuvered Ranma up in her lap enough to pull first the dress off, then her shirt. Laying the girl back down, Akane filled a bucket with slightly warm water, added a little soap and, with washcloth in hand, set to work. She started on Ranma's face and neck before doing her arms and hands.

Then, Akane was stuck. Undressing and washing Ranma was just not right. Chewing her lip, Akane considered. 'Ranma was a girl right now. Ranma was a pervert. She had promised Kasumi. Ranma was an inconsiderate jerk. Ranma was unconscious. It's not like anyone would know if I just left him here. Ranma was hers.' Four for, three against. "I just hope the big idiot appreciates this." she muttered under her breath. That gave her barely enough nerve to finish undressing the rest of the pig-tailed girl.

Trying not to think about how the situation looked, Akane pulled Ranma's last two articles of clothing off. Quickly, she wiped down the rest of her fiance and drizzled bucket of clean, warm rinse-water over Ranma before grabbing the towel and scrubbing her dry.

Akane wrapped Ranma in the towel before setting her down in a dry area. The pajama top she'd fetched from upstairs, earlier, went on by stuffing the sleeping girl's arms through the sleeves, first, before pulling it over her head. It was more of a challenge to get Ranma's arms and head through the right holes than it was when taking the shirt off. The towel had to go at that point. Ranma's pajama bottoms were next.

She had to re-dry Ranma's legs and feet with the towel before struggling with getting bottoms on. Pulling the bottoms up her legs was easy but Ranma's butt seemed awfully big and heavy. 'Ha! Wait 'till I tease her about her fat, lame butt,' she thought with a snicker. 'Tofu-sensei's mom was sure impressed by Ranma-chan's strong hips.' Akane persevered while Ranma moaned in sleepy discomfort at the inadvertent wedgie. With her fiancé now suitably dressed for sleeping, Akane slipped her left arm under her shoulder and right arm under the knees before carrying her through the bath and change room doors.

Back outside on the engawa, Akane strode around the house, inside and up the stairs to the traditionally styled guest room, sliding the shoji open with the toes of her right foot. Turning sideways to maneuver her fiancé through the door without catching her feet on the right side of the opening, Akane almost remembered to watch Ranma's head on the left side. There was a thump as Ranma's head bounced off the frame of the shoji. 'Oops. Oh, well. If he didn't wake up, it couldn't have really hurt.' Akane lay Ranma down on the floor. Then, went to the closet and got out his, and Uncle's futons and pillows laying them out on the floor in something close to their usual locations. She knew where things were having just recently been in that same closet looking through the drawers inside for a normal-sized pair of pajamas. She crossed to the window to close the curtains after estimating the odds some perverted rival would stop by to peep on her baka. It wouldn't help to have visitors. When Akane returned, she found Ranma had shifted until she'd caught the edge of her futon and curled up around it like an octopus. Sighing again at the seeming pointlessness of getting her fiancé ready for bed, Akane prized the futon away so she could spread it out on the floor. With the futon straightened out, she moved Ranma the meter or so to her bed.

Akane stuffed a pillow under Ranma's head and threw a blanket on top, then paused to look at her fiancé. She flicked the light switch off before closing the door to the bedroom and relaxed. She had done it. 'Maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to tease Ranma about this. It could cause more trouble than it's worth,' she thought.

And with that, she remembered her father and uncle were probably on the porch, sleeping and decided she wasn't going to give big sis the opportunity to co-opt her help to drag their worthless hides to bed. Akane quietly used the toilette herself before seeking her own, warm bed.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"mmnmnn...nn..'bik'..q'it it.. ..n.'mor' p'ture," Ranma mumbled in her sleep. With a gasp, she woke, "Mmnhuh? Oh." Yawning and stumbling, Ranma found the door to the guestroom. The house was dark and quiet. He couldn't even hear his father. But there was no time to waste. Nature calls. A couple minutes later, Ranma returned, practically collapsing back onto his futon and pulled his blanket back over himself. 'Mnn... warm.' And so it was Ranma returned to the sandman's embrace never realizing the exquisite silence was due to his father's camping excursion under the stars. Nor did he realize he sat down when he used the toilette. Such is the serendipity of Ranma's life.

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Ranma slowly became aware of the pre-dawn's pale light. The sounds of birds chirping outside the Tendo ancestral family home and his father's heavy breathing, sprinkled with an equally heavy amount of snores, snorts and other unconscious bodily functions, brought a collage of memories of the open road. Something obviously wasn't right but Ranma just couldn't place what; not that he really felt like figuring it out. Alas, his musing was cut short by a call from his fiancée.

"Ranma! Get up! We're going to be late!"

As his mind began to focus, he quickly analyzed the situation. 'Warm, dry, comfy, early, don't wanna get up.' To Ranma's keen mind there was only one response to this tactical situation and he acted decisively. Rolling away from where he knew the door was and pulling his covers over his head, Ranma snuggled in as tightly as possible. Today just couldn't get any better.

"Ranma! Don't make me come in there!"

Something about that statement alarmed him and his eyes cracked open to a wall of black fur. 'How did I get here?' But Akane's second call still disturbed him. Groaning, Ranma attempted to blink the sleep from his eyes and rolled onto his back. 'Pops ain't awake, yet?' Pulling the blanket below his nose exposing it to the cool morning air, Ranma looked over at his family pet and had another thought. 'I got to sleep in!'

"Ranma! I'm getting the bucket!'

"I'm awake! I'm awake!"

"Well, hurry up, idiot!', Akane said. "School starts in twenty minutes and I'm leaving in ten with or, without you!"

Throwing off his covers and jumping out of bed, at least, that's what it felt like even though some people may not see it that way, Ranma realized he was a girl. "Damn it! Not again," she muttered while patting down the futon for the telltale wet spots indicating Nabiki may have slipped in for some quick pictures. It had taken a while for him to catch onto that trick though he was immensely relieved it wasn't a more personal problem. Fortunately, there were no suspiciously damp areas so she left the room to use the toilette for his morning ablutions.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Eating breakfast, Akane's mind was on her fiancé. "Why doesn't he get an alarm clock," she muttered under her breath.

Nabiki's keen ears heard her sister. 'Between you and Uncle I don't see what good it would do. Hmmm... How to respond to that? Eh, it's probably not worth it.' So, she settled on smirking at her little sister. That usually worked and seemed to be an appropriate response this time as well this time as Akane gave her a suspicious frown.

Ranma chose that moment to bound down the stairs and plop himself next to Akane. Somehow, Ranma managed the seemingly impossible feat of communicating while shoveling an entire bowl of rice into his mouth. "Hey. Where's Mr. Tendo," he asked, although not sounding nearly so clear. At least the rice kept going in the "in" direction.

Kasumi, who had been quietly nibbling at her breakfast, spoke. "Uncle and Father drank just a bit too much sake last night. I believe they spent most of the night sleeping on the engawa but must have woken up long enough to get to bed."

"Oh," Ranma responded. "Thanks, Kasumi-san. I guess Pops stuffed me in my pajamas last night. I gotta be nice to him, today for that an' letting me sleep in."

Akane didn't know whether to be angry at Ranma for _not_ guessing it was her who took care of him, or to be relieved for the same reason. Kasumi settled the matter saying, "Ranma-kun, Akane-chan took care of you last night. Akane-chan, You _did_ clean up Ranma-chan and change her into her pajamas, didn't you?"

Trapped, Akane only nodded while staring fiercely at the table but Kasumi just wouldn't let it go. "See, Ranma-kun? Wasn't that nice of Akane-chan?"

Looking slightly embarrassed, he gulped saying, "Oh, ah… ehehehe. Th-thanks, Akane-chan." 'Akane changed me into my pajamas? So… that would mean she saw me naked.'

Ranma found his miso extremely interesting while both teens struggled for a safer topic.

Glancing at her older sister, Nabiki saw just how happy Kasumi seemed to be with the pair's non-violent breakfast. The guilty thought, 'Those two might have been married,' crept into her mind. "Time to run, little sis. Wouldn't want to get stuck standing in the hall, now would we?" 'That should help fix things back to normal.'

"Let's go, baka," Akane said, quickly standing and running upstairs for her school bag. Ranma's seemed to be missing; not that he gets much use out of it. Nabiki was already gone when Akane grabbed a pig tail on her way out the door dragging Ranma and his second helping of rice to his last normal half-day of school.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kasumi smiled softly thinking about how her baby sister had attached herself to Ranma-kun. Akane-chan had always been rather high strung. Fiercely self-reliant, yet prone to fits of insecurity was but one aspect of her strange duality. Another was how she could be so selfless about so many things, yet be the epitome of selfishness when it comes to her fiancé and the few other things she latches onto. She's also highly perceptive. Again, with the exception of that which she most desires. Smirking where she couldn't be seen, Kasumi thought, 'She's perfect for Mr./Miss Ambisexual. Truly, those two fit together so well and they don't understand why. Little sis has always been a tomboy. Who better for her than Ranma?'

Humming to herself, Kasumi continued cleaning up after breakfast. 'I hope Father gets up soon. He and Uncle must have gotten up sometime during the night and retired to their rooms.' Sighing, she thought, 'They really drank a lot last night. They've been drinking more since the wedding disaster. I hope they don't make themselves sick.' Kasumi sighed again. 'I suspect Nabiki-chan had something to do with that mess. I think I'll talk with her later. We may be better off than most but I don't think Father can cover too many more disasters-'

Kasumi's train of thought was derailed by the ringing of the telephone. Wiping her hands on a dish towel, she walked smartly into the hall and picked up the receiver's handset. "Hello. Tendo Residence… Oh! Hello, Auntie Saotome… Uncle? He and Father were up late last night. I'm afraid he may still be resting. I'll go wake him… Yes. Wait, please." Setting the handset down near the phone, Kasumi turned and climbed the stairs. As she walked down the hall to the guest room, Kasumi thought, 'Oh, my. I wonder what could be so important.'

Standing at the door to the guest room, Kasumi knocked a few time and called out, "Uncle Saotome, are you awake? Auntie is on the phone downstairs and needs to talk to you." There was a muffled, "Growpf," in the room indicating… something. "Uncle, Auntie said it's important. She wanted me to get you right away." Belatedly, Kasumi remembered something. "I have some hot water ready downstairs." Another grunt and growl preceded the sounds of movement, and the creaking of the floor under the tatami seemed to indicate he understood. "I'll go get the water ready." Kasumi turned around and headed back downstairs.

Stopping at the phone, she picked up the handset and said, "Auntie, Uncle will be here in a minute. Please be patient… You are most welcome," she said, bowing to the receiver with a smile. Heading for the kitchen, Kasumi was followed shortly by a lumbering panda who, for all of his bulk, could move with the grace and silence of a master martial artist. The impression contrasted strongly with the smacking of his lips as Genma worked to clear the sleep from his mouth. "Here you are, Uncle," Kasumi said, handing him a kettle of water she kept filled on the stove just for this peculiar, yet common, situation.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Genma wasn't a happy panda. The hot water Kasumi-chan had thoughtfully provided fixed the panda-part of the reason for this. Only food and time would clear the hangover. Coughing once to clear his throat, he croaked out a, "Ah, thank you Kasumi-chan. My wife is on the telephone, you say?" At her nod and smile, Genma headed into the hallway steeling himself for what could be a problem. 'Think! Think! What do I say?" He hated talking to Nodoka-chan on the telephone because he couldn't read her reactions. 'Think! Think! Wait, I know! Ask her about herself. She likes talking about how she feels and it gives me an idea of what her mood is. And time to think.' "Dear, are you all right?" But this time his wife's guard was up. Her quiet request that he return home so they could talk set him on edge. "I'll be there in an hour, Dear. Let me just get cleaned up… Love you, too… Bye."

Genma went to the toilette, then the bath, all the while thinking about what could be the topic of the impending "discussion." He missed Nodoka and often wished he could return to her. Long years on the road had dimmed his memory of her but, when she had found them, a dull ache had started forming in his heart as he remembered what he was missing. But he couldn't leave Ranma at Tendo's place unmarried and taking him back home, again unmarried, was an unacceptable risk. So here he stays.

'Maybe that's what Nodoka wants to talk about. Then again, maybe it's something else. Ah! I hate the phone!' He stopped by the kitchen on his way out to ask Kasumi-chan to let Soun know his wife had summoned him before taking to the rooftops. 'It's always good to keep her from waiting too long,' he thought. A few minutes later he spied a flower shop whose owner had carelessly placed a few roses and arrangements outside the shop. 'It's even better to give her flowers.'

The shopkeeper never saw what happened. Only that he was suddenly missing one of his pricier arrangements out of its vase. "Damn kids!" he yelled, noticing a few petals and other bits floating in the wind. "Reminds me of the bad old days. Flowers disappearing…" His grumbling continued while the perpetrator made his way back to the home he hadn't seen in too long in a greatly improved mood that, sadly, was not to last the morning.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hibiki Amawa, Furinkan High School gym teacher, male gym teacher, was filled with conflicting emotions. It was an interesting mix. First is the immense pride and satisfaction of getting a job as a Man, with a capital "M." His recent success-riddled failure at Seito Sannomiya would soon be forgotten; at least, professionally. He could start anew, build his credentials, and return to claim his love when she graduates from high school. 'That would be three years _after_ she gets _into_ high school.' All that cross-dressing just to prove a man could teach just as well as a woman was a thing of the past. 'Ah, yes! It's good to be a guy.'

Every up has its down, though. Sitting on his desk in the teachers' office was a file - very heavy file - a very heavy file of a current student - the file of a student who was going to assist him teaching the girls - the file of a boy - a boy who turns into a girl - a real girl - not a cross dressing boy. "Ahehehe…" 'Maybe it's a form of indoctrination for new teachers. Kind of like pledging a fraternity; a prank. There's no way that can be true.'

'This "person" has to be made up but the details are just too strange. Someone has a very active imagination.' He had been looking at the file last night and almost all morning. He only has to teach first-year math on Saturdays to his homeroom so, an hour into the morning, he'd returned to stare at the schizophrenic compendium.

'Saotome Ranma. Born, 1970. Male/Female. Arrived at Furinkan a three weeks past the start of the regular school year and was placed in the first-year class according to his age. Last attended Nerima District Boys' Middle School as a second-year. Noted as energetic, troublesome, outspoken, impressive in martial arts, always hungry, and "the only person who can keep the Hibiki boy in school." 'Hibiki boy? I wonder if I have any relatives in Nerima. What was that last comment about, though?'

Partially as an exercise in morbid curiosity and partially because he suspected this may be a test of his ability as a teacher, Amawa sifted through the boy's file again to the most important facts he'd noted earlier. 'Alright, so this Saotome character has a total of five point three actual, full-time school years completed. He's skipped three grades entirely and has never finished a whole year at one school. His history on placement tests is sketchy. His father seems to have pulled him out of school for "training trips" about the times when national standardized tests are administered. Hmm… No mention of being a girl before Furinkan. His records before high school seem to consist mainly of transfers and comments his active lifestyle, attention span, concerns about his father, and various other things that could be considered normal if his attendance was less sporadic. It's only when he got here did he suddenly have a gender problem.

'What I don't understand is why they want him… her as an assistant teacher for girls' sports. When I asked the VP if he was joking he told me Furinkan was special. That this was a sports-oriented school and just waved me off when I said there are many schools like this.

"Not like this one, Hibiki-kun," the Vice Principal had said. "This is more of a martial-arts-sports school. Martial prowess has always been something of an underlying theme here and parents and students respect that. Saotome's ability is highly regarded and _her_ family and fiancé's family have a certain… notoriety. Let me worry about the school Board, parents, students, and other teachers. Your job is to make Saotome-kun into an acceptable TA, coach, and team mate for some of the girls' teams. If you learn of anything I should be concerned about, by all means, please inform me. I'm counting on you, Hibiki-kun. I know this won't be easy for you but you're young, smart, and highly motivated. To be quite honest, I believe, of all the teachers here, you are the only one who can pull this off successfully."

'With all those compliments I should be happy. Then why do I get the feeling I've been set up?' he thought to himself.


	3. I, My, Me ½ Strawberry Blond 3

-1**I, My, Me - ½ Strawberry Blond**

An I, My, Me - Strawberry Eggs-flavored fan fiction continuing Ranma 1/2.

Chapter 3

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belongs to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to I My Me! Strawberry Eggs belongs to YOM, TNK and the IMM! Committee

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

In the last chapter, Ranma had a rather bad day and ended up calling it a day earlier than normal. To Akane's chagrin, Ranma passed out inconveniently in the hall not far from the kitchen and Kasumi had set her on cleaning the cursed boy up and setting him to bed. Ranma was blissfully unaware his mother had made an ugly deal with Vice Principal Hamasaki to keep him from being expelled.

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Saturday's half-day of classes were over and the students had just been let out to roam wild and free for the weekend. Yay!

As two and a half Tendos neared the gate to Furinkan High School, Akane, Nabiki, and Ranma were stopped short by Kasumi standing there with her shopping bag. "I need to do some grocery shopping and thought you might want to come along to help me," she said. Both her sisters knew implicitly what she meant.

"Eh? What kind of help?" was the comment from the young man without a clue.

Kasumi just smiled and said, "I brought some snacks," while Akane rolled her eyes over how clueless Ranma was. Kasumi gave her baby sister a pointed look that seemed to say "This is how you should handle your man."

At least, that's how Nabiki interpreted it. Akane, seeing her sister staring at her, shrugged saying, "Well, let's get going." Now, it was Nabiki's turn to roll her eyes at her clueless little sister as she and Kasumi shared their own look and internal sigh. Then, Nabiki pulled a study guide from her bag.

"I'm sorry, big sister, but I need to get home and cram," she said, waving the study guide in a way she thought looked rather cool; subconsciously attempting to justify holding the infernal thing. But Kasumi wouldn't have it.

"I'd really like it if we could spend some time together, Nabiki-chan. We don't often get the time to just chat."

Nabiki interpreted this statement as, "I want to talk to you , now." 'She may also want to do it away from Daddy. But Ranma and Akane are okay to have around. Hmmm.' "Okay. Sure. Lets go shopping, then."

Together, the four of them followed a different portion of the student body than they normally did downtown to the shopping district. Ranma took not five steps before asking what was for lunch. Kasumi reached into her shopping bag and handed him two onigiri and gave another pair to Akane. Of the last two, she let Nabiki take her pick before unwrapping the last to nibble on.

Away from the canal, Ranma didn't have much fence to walk on so he quickly got bored after inhaling the snacks. He casually glanced at Akane walking by his side but Akane had been taking sizable chunks out of her own onigiri and had only half of one left. 'Oh, well. She'd prob'ly hit me or something if I made a move on it,' he thought morosely, thinking the snack had only made him hungrier. 'Maybe I can scam some ice cream in town.'

Akane thought for sure Ranma was going to say something stupid any moment but he'd been quiet; too quiet. Quickly finishing the lunch Kasumi brought, she returned her senses to her baka fiancé. 'He'd better not start insulting me in front of everyone in town or I'll clock him good.'

Nabiki and Kasumi walked a few steps ahead of the other two. Kasumi began to smile and greet some of the shop owners who were out on the street minding their wares so the student crowd didn't lift them while Nabiki enjoyed watching how everyone interacted. She'd bide her time until Kasumi wanted to talk about whatever it was. In the meantime, she might as well scope out some of the guys, the clothes and the occasional new toy that caught her eye, like the Walk-Man in the window up ahead. The wonders of modern technology could put a radio into the palm of her hand. Too bad it cost so much.

Passing a number of stores, the group made a turn onto a different street. This one was filled with shops and carts of fresh produce with the occasional fish monger and butcher sprinkled in. There were other stores selling household supplies such as fancy soaps and colorful plastic containers of various sizes for organizing stuff but Ranma had little interest in such things. Stopping at a small storefront, Kasumi led the group inside a narrow store filled with a variety of jars, bags, wrappers and many other ways to hold handfuls of obscure ingredients. Heading to the shelves, Kasumi adroitly picked up those things she needed letting Nabiki, Akane, and Ranma wander a bit. The eldest of the group noted how Ranma stayed close to Akane but often stopped to pick up some ingredient or other for a sniff while Akane seemed to be evaluating them by color. Nabiki's eyes, by some coincidence were frequently drawn to the cash register; especially when it was being used.

Before long, Kasumi returned to the front of the store with a small basket of things she needed and began chatting with the shop-owner as she checked out. "Ranma-kun? There should be a ten kilo bag of rice in a stack on a shelf over there," she said, pointing at a row of shelves on left wall of the store. "Can you get the Kome-ko brand? It has a yellow label."

"Sure thing, Kasumi-san" Ranma replied. It didn't take long to walk around the decorated cardboard display holding of packets of something or other at the end of an isle (the sign had a brown lump apparently singing karaoke) to reach the shelves. The store was well stocked but still small. He picked up the bag matching the description and returned to the front while Kasumi finished her transaction and chat. Akane and Nabiki had moved to the exit and were discussing something of their own, which was fine because it kept him out of trouble; he hoped, at least.

Nabiki and Akane left the shop just ahead of Kasumi, with Ranma trailing after shifting the bag of rice to his head to free his hands. Akane and Nabiki continued their quiet conversation as the group wove through the Saturday afternoon shopping crowd. Ranma spotted one of the fish mongers who seemed to be drawing some attention and broke away to find out what was going on. Making his way to the store front, Ranma heard the salesman, or owner, barking out his sale on fresh water eel. 'Yum,' thought Ranma and moved to the front of the small throng to get a closer glimpse of the potential morsels. The eel was indeed fresh. There were lots of them all squirming in a fish tank. Ranma went in for a closer look. One of the larger ones looked really tasty. Then, Ranma saw the large day-glow green price tag stuck to the other end of the tank. "Ack! Four thousand nine hundred fifty yen! No way are they worth that much." Turning his attention back to the tank, one of the delicacies apparently didn't approve of his assessment. A flick of a tail, aimed and timed just right, splashed him right in the face. Ranma wobbled a second rebalancing the rice bag after the head supporting it unexpectedly dropped fifteen or so centimeters.

Wiping her face with the sleeve of her left arm, Ranma-chan thought, 'Ick. That guy should change the water. Those eels might die,' completely missing the befuddled looks of the ordinary citizens around her, Ranma trotted off to catch up to the Tendo women.

Meanwhile, Akane and Nabiki continued their discussion with Kasumi listening in, occasionally. "Oh, come off it little sis. It's not like either of you were ready to get married after just coming back from being kidnapped and taken to the boonies of China."

Akane responded with a growl and said, "I know I would have rather put it off at least until we graduated. But still, I can't believe it got screwed up anyway. Even if I wasn't ready… or Ranma wasn't… it was _still_ our wedding. If I even _suspect_ anyone is thinking of interfering next time… I'll pound some serious ass. Who invited them anyway?"

"Ehehehehe. Sounds like Ranma had better watch himself next time," Nabiki said with a trace of anxiety.

"Ranma? That idiot didn't start it, for once, that time. No, I'm talking about the jerks who crashed our wedding. I was surprised last time but if they think they can get away with pulling that crap again, they're going to wish they'd never been born."

Nabiki sweat-dropped and swallowed. Akane was angry if the twisted snarl on her face and hot, flickering aura were any clue. 'Oh, boy. Sis is pissed. And she didn't take to the redirect like she usually does.' Looking around, she spotted Kasumi barely a pace behind and staring at her. She wasn't smiling. Nabiki suddenly felt trapped under her big sister's gaze - trapped next to her volcanic little sister. 'Where is… Aha!' Nabiki thought, spotting Ranma-chan dodging the pedestrian traffic to catch up. "It looks like Ranma-chan got lucky again." That was sufficient diversion for her little sister who turned around angrily expecting a damp pervert but Kasumi was now wearing a frown. 'Oh, oh.'

Akane's anger dissipated as she saw Ranma was not being perverted at the moment and was only slightly damp. "What happened?" she asked.

"Aw, I stopped to look at some eels in a tank and they splashed me. I'd eat 'em if they weren't so expensive."

"Eew, Ranma. You stink." Ranma was now close enough to smell distinctly fishy.

"Yah, tell me about it. Bleh. Some of it got in my mouth. It's really gross."

"Eeww," Akane repeated. That was _not_ something she wanted to imagine.

"Akane-chan, Ranma-chan, would you please pick up some vegetables at the stand over there while Nabiki and I pick out some meat? We need some cabbage, daikon, tomato, onion, leek, and whatever else you think might be good. Take your time. We'll be over there in a few minutes."

"Sure."

"Okay, sis."

With that, the two headed across and up the street to the big produce store on the corner. That left Nabiki alone with her elder sister: a sister whose disapproving frown and gaze returned once more in full force. With a dry mouth, Nabiki said, "So umm… let's get the meat."

"I'm rather disappointed in you little sister. You seem to think Akane-chan and Ranma-san are your toys to play with." Walking two steps closer to the butcher's shop Kasumi paused and said, "Well? I'm waiting for an explanation. You ruined their wedding on purpose. I also spoke with Tatewaki-kun last weekend. Why do you encourage him so? Do you hate our little sister so much? How about Ranma-san? You contribute not a yen to the family and I have to impose on you to help out around the house. Is your family so far beneath you?" Kasumi had more on her mind but decided to give her sister an opportunity to explain. "I'm waiting."

'Oh, Kami-sama. This is not cool.' "Ehe. Ah. It's, ah… it's not like I hate them. It's just… you know… easy. Umm… easy to ahh… you know. It's not like it makes much difference the way they fight all the time. And, umm… Kuno is wealthy and doesn't mind paying. They don't really care, anyway. They've seen the pictures and know about it. What kind of meats should we get?"

"Dead meat. Meat that's been thoroughly tenderized. With a mallet."

This, from her sister of all people, was completely unexpected. While Nabiki stood there gaping, Kasumi closed the last few meters to the counter of the butcher. "Could I please have two, one-kilo packages of hamburger?" The shop clerk nodded and went to work while Nabiki remained in the street considering life and the possible absence of it.

Nabiki was examining the sidewalk when she realized Kasumi was, once again, standing in front of her. This time, with her shopping bag drooping heavily with various "meat". "Well?" Kasumi asked again. "You're my sister and I love you. Akane-chan loves you, too. Even Ranma-kun cares about you. He treats us all like family. I find it disturbing you may not think of us the same way." Grabbing her dazed sister by the elbow, Kasumi led her over to the grocer on the corner to meet the other two. "You're the smartest, shrewdest person in the family. Money comes easy to you but someone has to pay the price. Our sister and her fiancé take a lot of abuse from you and many others. Don't think for a minute they don't suspect your involvement. They just choose to turn the other cheek because you're family."

Kasumi stopped short of telling Nabiki what to do. That just wasn't her way. But she made it clear she expected better of Nabiki. A glance at her wayward sister saw Nabiki still had a far-away look. 'Good. At least she's thinking about it.' Then, she remembered something else she'd been considering more often of late. "How would you feel if Ranma-kun's and Akane-chan's friends did that at your wedding? Or, if Akane-chan took photos of you and sold them to the boys at school? What would mother think?"

Fortunately for Nabiki, Kasumi wasn't the type of person to gloat over, or otherwise enjoy, instilling the kind of icy sweat that swept over her as her chest tightened.

The two elder girls met up with the younger, who had done remarkably well picking out vegetables. Getting the veggies wasn't all that difficult but Kasumi was extremely pleased at the lack of either physical or verbal violence. When they caught up to the younger pair, neither elder sister missed the interaction. Akane had apparently suggested a gourd that looked interesting. Ranma, with the bag of rice still on her head and basket of exactly the things Kasumi asked for in her arms, led Akane with her gourd over to an authoritative looking middle-aged woman standing near the entrance wearing a store apron.

As she approached, Kasumi heard Ranma ask, "Umm… Excuse me?"

The wise grocer smiled and asked, "Can I help you two young ladies with something?"

Akane beamed her own smile and held up the strange produce. "What's this?" she asked, covering Ranma's grimace at being called something as far from manly as possible.

"_That_ is an acorn squash."

Ranma chose this moment to break into the conversation. "Hey, umm… what do you do with it? I mean, how do you cook it? Does it taste good? Do ya know any recipes?"

Surprised, the woman blinked then giggled before spying Kasumi over the little pigtailed girl's shoulder. "Just bake it at 165 degrees for fifteen minutes. Then, turn the oven down to 140 and bake for another 45 minutes. You can bake longer or shorter depending on how soft you like it. It's similar to cooking a large yam. It just takes longer. Just section it when it's done and scoop out the seeds."

"Oh, yeah. Hey, thanks, Auntie," Ranma said.

Akane added her own, "Thank you very much, Ma'am."

"You girls are very welcome," she said as Ranma's brows wrinkled in consternation. "Acorn squash is a little sweet and is good with butter or mayo. You can add spices like cinnamon and serve it for desert."

Ranma gave the lady a weak smile and a bow by way of thanks. She could almost hear Akane's thoughts so great was the youngest Tendo's desire to cut the thing open and see what was inside. Sensing the other Tendo girls' presence, Ranma turned and tried to communicate her fear of what was likely going to be another violent battle between her fiancée and the kitchen. It worked marvelously. However, Kasumi gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head giving Ranma a queasy feeling in her stomach.

After cashing out with the store clerk, the three and a half girls left the store to head home. Ranma was, of course, carrying most of the food. Not that she minded. It was good training. It actually became sort of fun when she tied off the sack of veggies and added it to the seemingly glued-on sack of rice on her head. All three Tendos were amused as Ranma decided to bow and greet as many people as she could without dropping either burden.

Ranma looked like she had mastered whatever the skill was when they rounded a corner and encountered a book store. Kasumi abruptly changed directions and headed inside with a quiet Nabiki still following, seemingly on autopilot. Akane was about to remark on her sister's strange behavior when a junior high school girl (her seifuku gave her away) ran up to Ranma and bowed deeply holding a severely worn school bag.

"S-Saotome-sempai," she stuttered, holding the bag up. Ranma looked at it and blinked. It was hers. Akane figured it out almost as fast. After all, she'd tossed it at him often enough. "I f-found this in the alley by my family's restaurant."

"Hey! Thanks!" Ranma replied.

"Baka! Thank her properly." So saying, Akane placed her right hand between Ranma's shoulder blades and forced her fiancé into a bow with her. As she was saying, "Thank you very much," Ranma was thrown off balance. The bag of rice slid off her head backwards while the bag of vegetables slid forward - right toward the junior high-schooler. Ranma yelped in her forced bow and brought her left leg up behind to catch the sack sliding down her back. Her arms shot out in front to grab the tumbling sack of vegetables.

The younger girl gave a startled, "Eep!" while Akane blushed heavily in embarrassment. Ranma just stood there on one foot thinking about how to right her load. With a kick of her foot, she launched the rice sack into the air and quickly ducked under it while tossing the other bag up to where she thought she'd be when the rice settled. It worked perfectly, and once again, Ranma was standing there smiling as if nothing had happened.

Bowing more carefully this time she said, "Thanks for finding my book bag. Errr… How'd ya know it was mine, anyway?"

"Oh, well, my mom and I checked your notes inside and found your name."

"Ah. Okay. Thanks!" Ranma completely missed the fact she had been recognized in her cursed form.

"I saw you at the kendo tournament against Seisyun. You were great!"

While Ranma was thinking, 'Huh? I don't practice kendo,' Akane immediately realized what the girl meant. "Miss…" Akane prompted.

"Excuse me. My name is Shinohara Kiyomi."

"Tendo Akane. Pleased to meet you, Shinohara-san. Did you see Ranma-chan cheering?"

"Oh, yes," she said, with stars in her eyes. "I wish I could be as beautiful and talented as Saotome-sempai. The way she defended her boyfriend on the kendo team, cheered him on, and declared her love for him was _sooo_ romantic."

Akane's eyes lidded. "You didn't see the whole match did you?"

"Well, I have to admit it was kind of hard to see the match at times. People kept jumping out of their seats. I had to stand on the bench a few times to see. Everyone was yelling so it was hard to hear the announcer but what I saw was the most the most romantic thing ever. It was like watching TV but better because it was real."

Ranma's memory was offering up a number of embarrassing moments during that fight. Leave it to Shinohara-kun to focus on the most hideous one.

"There was this guy you told the whole crowd you loved and he fought so valiantly for you." Kiyomi clasped her hands under her chin and had stars in her eyes in remembrance. "Your boyfriend fought so well before being betrayed and manhandled by the team captain. Then, your friend joined the fight and the two of you worked so well together. The Furinkan Cheer Team must be incredibly skilled. I just wish I could be good enough to join. I'm going to work really hard at it so I can try out as soon as I get to high school."

Akane was starting to get slightly peeved at not being remembered. At least, not in the way she wanted. And that was the problem. She wasn't sure she wanted to volunteer the information. A glance to her right told her Ranma was thoroughly embarrassed if her blush and the way she played with her pig tail was any indication.

"Er… Hehehe. Sure. Keep practicing. I'll bet you'll be a great cheerleader. Just haf'ta work hard an give it yer all," Ranma said.

"I will! Thanks, Sempai. Your boyfriend's really cute. Can you tell me his name?" Kiyomi leaned forward conspiratorially and giggled to let her Sempai know she doesn't have to tell if she doesn't want to.

Akane's mouth started to open in protest. She knew Ranma, being who he-she is, just couldn't take a hint or keep her mouth shut and was quickly proved correct, to her utter mortification.

"Oh. That was my fiancée, Tendo Akane-chan. Both times, in fact," she said, pointing to the pale statue on her left.

"Wait. You mean…" Kiyomi flushed in understanding but quickly recovered. "Ah. I'm sorry Tendo-sempai," she said bowing low. "I didn't recognize you." Straitening, she blinked and really _looked_ at the pair. "I… I didn't know. I understand, now. And you know, you two really do make a good couple." Kiyomi gave a genuine smile at them both, returned equally by Ranma, before bowing again and walking back toward her family's restaurant tucked among the shops.

"Heh. Shinohara-kun's pretty nice," Ranma said to the statue of a tomboy at her side. Akane seemed to have zoned and her sisters were well down the street although Ranma didn't know they had stopped to look at a rack of shoes on sale. Nevertheless, she needed to catch up and Akane wasn't cooperating. Ranma paused, thinking about her options but all of the ones involving roof-hopping seemed to involve carrying her fiancée and both bags of groceries. Suddenly inspired by another couple strolling on the street, she looped her arm through Akane's and began half-leading, half-dragging her fiancée. It worked remarkably well.

Making their way down the street, Ranma reflected on the fact she hadn't gotten hit or yelled at yet. 'Man! Today can't get any better. I ain't been hit yet, or _nothin_.' Smiling happily, Ranma joined her fiancée's sisters and they all made their way home. Because Akane and Nabiki seemed so unusually quiet, Ranma struck up a conversation with Kasumi asking about some of the food they bought and what were the best ways of preparing it. Ranma had little idea the very nature of her conversation was keeping both younger Tendo girls silent as they each pondered the unfathomable nature of Ranma.

When the girls returned, Ranma helped himself to some hot water just before his parents showed up and things started going very wrong for the cursed boy. He mentally kicked himself for jinxing things by thinking about how great the day was.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nodoka sat next to her husband in front of Ranma at the kotatsu. The Tendo sisters and their father waited off to the side with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. Those emotions were amplified several times for the Saotome family although each suspected they were far more affected than the others. Ranma watched, with growing alarm, as his mother reach into her obi and pull out a folded piece of paper.

As Nodoka unfolded the pledge her husband and son made so many years ago, she saw Ranma's pigtail stand out straight behind him as he paled and began to sweat. This alarmed her as she realized he had the wrong idea already. Mentally throwing her carefully crafted speech to the wind, she simply pushed it across the table to him and said, "Here." Her heart felt crushed as she saw pain and resignation in her son's eyes.

The Tendos all gasped followed by moans and exclamations of denial. Even Kasumi forsook her usual, "Oh, my," to whisper, "No," instead. Nodoka realized things were spiraling out of control and said, "That's not what I meant," over Akane's, "Wait!"

Taking a deep breath she said, "Ranma? I… I consider the pledge fulfilled." A new round of noises came from the gallery. This time, ones of relief echoing her son's. "You've proven yourself a man. Maybe not the manliest but good enough for me." Ranma relaxed visibly to her eyes. A shimmering in her baby's eyes quickly brought her around the table to wrap her little boy in a warm hug as he fought to control his emotions.

Kasumi looked around her family's faces as her vision swam slightly and noticed tears in her youngest sister's eyes as well. Nabiki's face had softened as she watched the scene. '_That's_ my little sister,' she thought. Looking at her father, Kasumi marveled at the look of solemn pride on his face as he honored his future son-in-law with a moment of silence before raising his right fist into the air and declaring, "Waaaaaaa! It's so beautiful!" as tears coursed down his face. Kasumi heard Nabiki say, "That's Daddy for you," and silently agreed.

A moment later Akane began to stand, possibly with the intent of comforting her fiancé, but Nodoka saw the movement and shook her head enough to catch Akane's attention. As Akane settled back down Nodoka got up and returned to her place at her husband's side.

Ranma, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, sniffed, then wiped his nose on it, too. Looking up at his father, Ranma saw he was still nervous and looking generally evasive. Kind of like when he heard his mother was coming.

Nodoka used a kerchief briefly before trying to salvage what she could of her speech. "Ranma. Your father and I are proud of you. We want you to know that."

Ranma listened, stunned and watched his mother tilt her head towards her Dearest expectantly, eliciting a confirming grunt and nod from his father.

His mother continued saying, "However, your school Vice Principal informed me you weren't doing well in your studies." A fresh round of alarm, and curiosity of varying degrees, spread through the listeners.

Akane felt a stab of dread briefly before calming after realizing this was about grades, not seppuku.

Nabiki, on the other hand, became more interested as she observed her Auntie become more flustered. Glancing around the room she saw Uncle was stiff as a board and clearly unhappy, yet dignified. Ranma had started to sweat again. Akane had her usual range of emotions flickering across her face but her big sister's visage was curiously serious. When Auntie spoke again she focused back on the bearer of interesting news.

"Ranma, my child, the Vice Principal said this was to be your last term going to Furinkan. You were going to be expelled from school after this term was over."

Ranma stiffened like his father. He knew things were going down hill. 'But mom said I was manly. At least, manly enough. So what's goin' on?' "Momma?"

"Your school said they were ready to release you but they have a problem. You know the old gym teachers left and they found one replacement?" At Ranma's slow nod she continued. "They still needed another and-" A loud, "Yatta!" came from, of all people, Akane. Looking over at her, Nodoka blinked a few times.

Akane grinned saying, "Ranma's going to teach!"

Nabiki had similar thoughts about the boy earning some money she could part him from but didn't think Auntie was done, yet.

Clearing her throat to gather everyone's attention she heard Ranma ask, "You got me a job, momma?"

Nodoka sighed, thinking, 'This isn't going well.' She was, herself, becoming more nervous as this agonizing conversation continued. Dearest was backing her up the only way he could - by staying quiet. "Ranma," she tried again, "I did get you a job, but it was the Vice Principal who offered it as a solution to both problems. You see, he needs an assistant for the new gym teacher and you need help passing High School."

Ranma began to sweat again. His finely tuned martial arts senses were telling him the Final Attack might be needed soon.

"There's only one problem, son. Your sex." This caused the largest reaction thus far.

"Ranma! You pervert!" Akane exclaimed, her face beginning to flush as she stood up her aura igniting around her.

Kasumi gasped placing her hand over her mouth as she said "Oh, my!"

Nabiki's face twitched as she prepared a barbed comment while Ranma waved both hands in front of himself in denial.

"No way! I ain't never done it!"

"Ranma, that's not what I meant. You have to be a girl."

Ranma's eyes bugged completely out, Akane's jaw dropped to the floor, and Kasumi was left shaking her head while her father launched into a full demon-head attack. "Raannmmaaa! You haven't been cheating on my little girl with another man, have you?"

Nabiki started coughing. Although she wasn't drinking anything, something apparently went down the wrong way.

'This has gotten well out of hand,' Nodoka thought. She took a deep breath. Then, another before raising her voice over the ruckus. Somehow, Akane-chan had moved without her noticing and had both fists balled in Ranma's shirt. She had lifted him off the cushion he was sitting on and was shaking him growling something about cheating on her with a guy. Ranma was desperately waving his hands and shaking his head in futile denial. Nodoka sighed again before saying just short of a shout (she never shouts - it's just not womanly), "Please! That's not what I meant. Although it's nice Akane-chan's so protective of your female side."

Akane and Ranma stopped in mid-argument and turned, wide-eyed, to face his mother. "What!" they both yelled indignantly, but they couldn't fool her as they colored; Akane because of the naughty thoughts freshly inspired and Ranma because he knew he should be embarrassed because that's what mothers do to their children.

"Ranma, could you please go change for me? I seem to be having difficulty explaining things and it might help if I were talking to my daughter."

A subtle breeze stirred the wind chimes breaking the silence that had fallen over the entire household, or tried, at least. It was really the sound Akane made dropping Ranma unceremoniously on the floor that broke the tableau. Kasumi smiled, having finally processed that, 'This is a good thing,' having focused on the words, "help," and "my daughter."

Nabiki also smir-smiled thinking of new opportunities while keying on the same words.

Soun glanced at his friend's wife briefly before taking a long, hard look at Genma. His old panty-raiding buddy wasn't going to give anything away. He was wearing his, "I planned the whole thing," and, "I pilfered the Master's sake," looks at the same time. This could mean only one thing: 'Yes, Dear.' Soun briefly reminisced how his own, dear wife used to talk circles around him until, weary of the discussion, he either collapsed from mental exhaustion or fell prey to one of the traps she laid. "Waaaa!" Soun cried, bursting into tears. "Saotome-kun. You're so fortunate."

Genma just raised an eyebrow at his friend. 'Looks like something set him off, again. Wish I knew what it was. It'd be useful in our next game.' Looking over at his son as the boy got up, dazed and confused, to head to the kitchen for cold water, he thought of what was about to come and wondered if the Jusenkyou curse was working on a more subtle level. 'This can't be happening,' he thought. 'The boy will fight this tooth and nail; not that I blame him a bit.' But something was gnawing at a small corner of his subconscious (which he often ignored) and Genma was aware of a queasy feeling he attributed to the presence of his wife's sword.

Ranma stared at his mother, confused. As he got up, he glanced at Akane, who's expression had radically shifted from anger, through confusion, and settled on anxiety. Standing, he looked around the room and sighed at the variety of expressions on everyone's faces as Tendo-san started crying and congratulating his old man on being lucky - whatever that meant.

Ranma went into the kitchen and turned on the faucet holding his hand under it as he changed. Wiping her hand on a dish towel Kasumi kept hung on a cabinet doorknob, Ranma turned around in time to hear her mother call out, "Ranma-chan?"

"Yeah," she returned.

"I think everyone could use a bit of tea. Can you manage it?"

"Sure, mom," Ranma replied and turned back around to the stove. First, she grabbed the hot water dispenser near the stove and pushed the button to hinge the lid up. She emptied the pot of water Kasumi left warming on the stove into the dispenser trying not to spill any on herself and flipped the lid back down pushing it until it latched. After refilling the pot at the sink and replacing it on the stove, Ranma grabbed a serving tray from the counter top, stepped over to the cupboard where the tea set was kept, and shortly had a tray with a teapot, tea spoon, brush, and stacks of cups. She dallied briefly over which tea out of Kasumi's collection to use before just grabbing the white tea. 'They're all pretty good and it's not like it really matters, anyway, but Mom likes white tea… I think.'

Grabbing the hot water dispenser with her right hand while holding the laden tray in her left, Ranma headed back into the main room. No one seemed to have moved, although Tendo-san had, thankfully, calmed down. Akane still looked nervous; glancing between Ranma and her parents. Her mother's gaze was on the table while her father was trying to look authoritative. That usually meant he was being an idiot but Ranma suspected this time it might have something to do with how her mom got him to shut up.

Akane watched in growing agitation as Ranma-chan knelt at the table and started making tea for everyone. 'What is Auntie Saotome going to announce? It's pretty clear she's got a major bomb to drop on Ranma. It's got to have something to do with school, the pledge, and the job she got him but she's having a really hard time telling him. What could it… Oh, crap!'

Nabiki saw her little sister sit up rigidly in shock, eyes wide, mouth half open, and attention darting between Ranma-chan and her mother. 'Little sis's finally figured it out. This is going to be great! Ooh, this'll be more fun than daddy's perfect wedding.' Ranma-chan was apparently doing fairly well making the tea if big sis's approving smile is any indication. Indeed, Ranma-chan was quietly and efficiently making tea for the entire house, although the effect was somewhat marred by the way she kept casting furtive looks at her parents. As Ranma carried the tray of drinks with, what for anyone else would be almost paranoid, care, she knelt and presented the tray first to her father, followed by her big sister then herself. Nabiki gave the gender-flopped boy that special smile she reserved for making loans and enjoyed seeing Ranma swallow nervously and drop her gaze to the serving tray.

Ranma was officially unnerved. Whatever was happening, Nabiki knew. Rising to her feet, she returned to her fiancée who was still sitting at the table. Kneeling again, this time between her father and fiancée, Ranma first served Akane then, deciding prudently not to serve her mother by reaching through her father's guard, she got up, walked behind him and knelt to serve the cause of her trepidation. Her mother seemed satisfied with her performance as Ranma met her gaze. Swallowing her nervousness again, Ranma got up and returned to her place at Akane's side placing her own cup in front of herself carefully as if it might suddenly turn into a feline menace.

Nodoka waited gathering her thoughts while her son-daughter collected herself after serving tea. It surprised her just how adept Ranma was. She had been expecting her child to more or less follow her husband's more… casual, manly manners. "Oh, my, Ranma-chan. You served the tea very nicely. Did your father teach you that? I wouldn't have expected him to that." Her husband stirred uncomfortably at her side as she watched her child's face color and duck her head in embarrassment.

Genma felt he had to say something to defend his art from the implication of unmanliness while trying to avoid implying the boy wasn't being manly, either. "Ahem!" he said, drawing the attention of the room. "The boy has been learning many esoteric martial arts styles to incorporate into the Musabetsu Kakutou-ryu. Martial Arts Tea Ceremony is but one of the many potentially lethal styles he's learned to defend his fiancée." 'Perfect! My boy learned the silly style to bring more diversity and flexibility to our family style and did it for a reason neither of them should dare to argue.'

Indeed, Ranma was trapped. 'Damnit, pops! Che! Always spinning the story around. If I say anything about not doin' it fer Akane she'll mash me in front of mom.' Lidding her eyes at her father, Ranma sat properly and stewed. Or was that, sat and stewed, properly.

Akane joined her fiancé in giving Uncle The Look thinking much along the same lines. 'Why does he always have to interfere? Leave it to Daddy or Uncle to push the issue every chance they get.' Akane looked over at her future mother-in-law and decided to hold her tongue. She straightened her posture, determined to look dignified and in control of a seemingly impossible situation. It didn't help her mood to glance over at her family off the side. Every one of them was smiling. Her father obviously approved and was suitably impressed by Uncle's latest play, and her sisters were both smiling for reasons she could probably guess. 'Argghh!' Akane mentally screamed in frustration. 'Why does my family have to be so… so weird? Daddy can be such an emotional flake!'

Pondering the response her husband made for her child, Nodoka decided there was nothing wrong with any of it and settled in for the difficult part of the conversation. Setting her cup gently on the table, she drew a breath and the attention of the room. "Ranma-chan. Your school was going to… expel you after this term for poor grades and study habits," she said, watching her child's eyes widen as she gasped - an effect mirrored by Akane. "However, your school also needs a girl to assist in coaching the girls' gym classes and participate on some of the sporting teams."

Nodoka paused, alarmed, as Akane-chan's eyes threatened to pop strait out of her head. Ranma apparently didn't catch her meaning. That would be remedied soon enough. She knew she'd have to spell out all the terms of the bargain anyway. "As your mother, I feel your education is important, Daughter. It's something you will have for the rest of your life and you'll find it more valuable as you get older. Don't you think so?"

Ranma felt as if she were swimming in mental quicksand. She was trying to understand what her mother really meant. It was definitely bad getting kicked out of school; at least, as far as her mom was concerned. Ranma tried to imagine never having to go to school again and kind of liked the idea. But now her mother was talking about some girl to help coach and be on girls' teams. Her thoughts were interrupted by a question. Taking a stab at the answer, Ranma said, "Umm… yeah?"

With a deep breath, Nodoka launched into the heart of the matter. "Ranma, I made a deal with the school. You will help coach gym for the girls and participate in a number of the school clubs. In return, your teachers will help you pass high school, pay you a small salary, provide some mentoring in education, and, if you do well, count your teaching time from the day you accept this deal and write letters of reference should you choose to leave the school for another job."

This time it was Nabiki's turn to boggle. Auntie negotiated a really sweet deal for Ranma-chan. Some of the long term benefits were serious and the baka probably had no clue. Her thoughts were, coincidentally, echoed by her little sister who simply took turns staring at her fiancé and his mother. She watched as Ranma-chan's face screwed up in thought thinking idly how unfair it was she could look so cute. Nudging the girl with her elbow seemed to give Ranma the start she needed.

"Okay, Momma," she said. 'I'd rather not go to school any more but Mom's really hung up on it or she wouldn't have made 'em give me all the stuff she said. I suppose I should be grateful I didn't get kicked out but it sounds like I'm gonna have to study.' While she mulled the "study" thing in her head, her mother leaned forward catching her eye.

"There's one stipulation I couldn't get around, Ranma-chan. You have to be a girl when you're at school - the whole time - a proper girl - a real girl - my daughter. That means we need to find a way to keep you from changing into a boy at school and get you wearing proper clothes, speaking properly, and behaving as befits a young lady."

Ranma-chan and the rest of the audience paused briefly to digest this. From there, the range of reactions broadened considerably. Nabiki erupted in laughter pointing at either Ranma, Akane or both while Soun gaped at his stocky, bespectacled friend demanding, "What is the meaning of this!" and declaring, "The schools must be joined!"

Kasumi had been relaxing and enjoying the tea Ranma-chan had thoughtfully prepared and served and glanced sideways at her hysterically laughing sister when her hidden intelligence put together what would happen to her future little brother. The resulting mallet-blow to her funny bone did something that hadn't happened in quite a while. "Pththtttttt… ahahahaaaaaa." Her spit take ended badly as she had been sipping out of her cup. Now she had blown the rest of the tea out and into her face and hair. The cup had nicely redirected everything back at her. Kasumi's hand and sleeve were soaked with what didn't make it to her face. Sniffling, she realized some had gotten into her nose as well though from what direction she didn't want to think about. "Ohh… crap," she said, setting Nabiki off again.

Akane seemed to have been turned to stone. She was rooted in her spot paying little, if any, attention to Ranma-chan as the little pig-tailed girl's brain caught up and put her mouth into auto-denial mode at its fastest setting. 'That… that… that…' Yes, Akane-chan had locked up.

Genma hung his head to avoid eye contact with his son and his best friend. 'Keep fighting, boy. I'm counting on you.'

Said boy's stream of protests began to wind down as she realized she had begun to repeat herself. Nodoka took the opportunity to intervene once again.

"Ranma? When you were Ranko I really enjoyed spending time with you. As much as I do now that I know you're my son. To be honest, I thought, even if you _were_ a tomboy, you were still a very sweet, although lonely, girl. You don't know how many times I've wished I had a daughter, too. I'd like you to consider being my little girl as well as my little boy."

"Mom, I… but I'm a guy, Mom! How can you ask me to be a girl?"

"I thought I just did, sweetie," she said, causing her child to face-fault. Akane's brain was still skipping tracks and it was starting to show as her mouth opened and closed like a koi. Nodoka found that mildly disturbing so she put an end to it.

"Besides, I think you and Akane-chan look like a cute couple together."

"That's right!" Nabiki exclaimed. "I remember now how you said Ranko-chan would make a wonderful wife some day," Nabiki added, before lapsing into a fit of giggles and setting her big sister off on her own giggle-fit again.

Akane buried her face in her hands trying to hide her embarrassment at the debacle and the very un-lady-like snorts escaping Kasumi who had belatedly tried to cover her mouth with both hands.

Nabiki thought it was good, sisterly payback as she watched Kasumi's shoulders shake with laughter while clasping her hands over her mouth and squeezing her eyes shut. 'It's been a long time since I've seen sis turn that shade of red or laugh so hard she cries,' Nabiki reminisced.

Ranma-chan and her mother both colored slightly remembering that particular episode in their lives but Nabiki wasn't going to let it drop there; not by half. Placing a index finger on her chin and frowning as if deep in thought, Nabiki continued, "Daddy? If Auntie Saotome is going to take Ranma-chan seriously as her daughter and train her to be a proper wife, doesn't that mean you should take Akane-chan seriously and train her, too?" After receiving a wary nod from her father Nabiki smiled broadly. "Great! I just know little sis will make a wonderful husband for Ranma-chan."

Akane was still banging her head on the table hoping this was all some drug-induced hallucination and she'd wake up with Kodachi laughing at her in victory when Nabiki gave the knife one last twist saying, "Kuonji-san's had a lot more training at being manly than little sis and Shampoo-san has been training to lead her people. And don't forget how the Kuno siblings, or the Hibiki boy for that matter, are infatuated with Ranma-chan." Akane just put her arms over her head and moaned into the table trying desperately to forget the koi rod incident. Peering, one-eyed, over her arm at her father, she saw him frown in thought while looking at her. 'I'm going to get you for that, sis.' Shifting her gaze to Auntie, she saw a look of curiosity directed at her daughter instead of consternation. 'Nooooo… this can't get any worse.'

Later, Akane would mentally kick herself for jinxing things by thinking about how it couldn't get any worse.


	4. I, My, Me ½ Strawberry Blond 4

-1**I, My, Me - ½ Strawberry Blond**

An I, My, Me - Strawberry Eggs-flavored fan fiction continuing Ranma 1/2.

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belongs to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to I My Me! Strawberry Eggs belongs to YOM, TNK and the IMM! Committee

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

In the last chapter Ranma, Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi had gone grocery shopping after morning classes while Nodoka was informing her husband, Genma, of the deal she had to make with the school to keep Ranma enrolled. When the girls came home, Nodoka explained to Ranma and the Tendo family how Ranma was going to be a physical education teacher's assistant, girls' sports coach and player while cramming, with the school's help, to earn high school equivalency.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The remainder of Saturday evening was rather anti-climatic. Nabiki was the first to retreat to her bedroom and base of operations. There were plans to be made. Somehow she would figure out how to make yen without doing something to upset her sisters. 'All three of them', she thought in amusement. As she sat at her desk idly writing ideas in her diary, a.k.a. The Ledger, her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her door. Kasumi poked her head in and whispered, "Take lots of pictures, please. Just for the family?" And, with that, Nabiki decided it wasn't too hard to shift her priorities more toward capturing Ranma-chan's new adventures. 'This could be fun,' she thought. 'No, not could. This is Ranma we're talking about.' And Nabiki smiled in anticipation of all the joy she'd have teasing her two little sisters.

The rest of the family also followed their normal pattern for the evening. Akane tried to do her homework without thinking too much about the latest humiliation her idiot-fiancé had heaped on her. Soun and Genma played a couple games of Go followed by some idle chat on the porch. Ranma-kun (he'd changed back almost immediately) was watching television trying desperately not to think about tomorrow's certain indoctrination into Hell. Kasumi had disappeared upstairs not long after her sisters and Nodoka sat at the table making notes trying to plan the next day's long list of things to do. Everything seemed normal in the household. The only exception was Nodoka staying the night. Eventually everyone turned in, although many had difficulty getting to sleep.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The next morning started almost the same as any other Sunday. Mrs. Saotome had spent the night, yet had gotten up early and cooked breakfast with Kasumi, who was delighted at having someone to help and chat with despite her uneasiness at having the older woman "help" in her kitchen. Nodoka heard her husband wake and begin training their son. Everyone else was used to the early morning activities but Nodoka was surprised at their vigor; especially when she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep.

It had been a while since she'd had to share a room with anyone and was unused to the noises both he and Ranma-kun made. Yet those same noises brought reassurance her family was finally back together. That, more than any snoring, scratching, or shifting, had excited her to no end. She'd lain awake in girlish anticipation and joy long into the night; often staring at her son's and husband's faces. Her morning musings and idle conversation with Kasumi-chan were cut short as Mr. Panda dragged in her water-logged son-turned-daughter. She still had trouble adapting to their changing and wondered how much harder it was for the boys.

Genma stepped up onto the engawa with Ranma slung over his shoulder and paused as he caught his wife's eyes on the way to the furo. 'Damn! She's as hot as I remember. Maybe hotter! Don't go there you're a panda now. Got to find hot water. Change the boy, too." Genma's ears twitched in a frown remembering his son's poor performance in their daily spar. 'He was sloppy this morning. Not that I blame him but defeat needs no excuse! How many times do I have to tell him to focus? Focus! Focus! Focus!' Flashing his wonderfully unarmed and beautiful wife a quick note on where he was headed, Genma-panda lumbered off to the furo.

Ranma woke when a ladle of cold water splashed her in the face and realized she'd been had by her old man. "Ack! Whadja do that for?" Ranma found herself on the floor in the change room. Her father just ignored her and returned to the bath. Shucking her clothes and dropping the soggy mess into the nearby basket, she entered the toilet to take care of business before heading back through the change room to the bath. There was her father, a great ball of black-and-white fur, shampooing his furry hide. Ranma pulled up a stool and sat down next to him and began to wash herself just as her father dumped a bucket over himself to rinse. She paid no mind to him as he continued rinsing before her father eased into the furo where he could speak.

"Boy." Ranma stopped scrubbing. Her father almost sounded… depressed. "Yeah, Pop," she returned, still facing the wall with her back to the furo. She heard her father breath deeply before exhaling in a great sigh.

"Boy, I've been considering… I don't know that we should take a bath together anymore."

"Huh!? Why?" Ranma twisted around on her stool to look at her father who was staring at the ceiling while relaxing in the tub.

"Your mother is going to be teaching you to be a woman," his father said, lifting a hand from the water to adjust his glasses although he was still staring at the ceiling, and that puzzled Ranma.

'What the heck is up there? A bug?' Ranma glanced at the spot but saw nothing but ceiling. "So?"

"So, boy. So… it's not proper for a father to bathe with his daughter. Not at your age, at least."

Ranma was shocked to the core, hearing this. "Whaaaaat! Pop, you can't do this to me. I'm your son, you stupid old panda!" Ranma yelled before she dumped her bucket of water over herself and leapt for the furo. In a flash, and with a splash, he was in his father's face. "If that's s'posed to be funny, I ain't laughing!"

"Look, boy. You're a girl when you wash. We both know you can't simply wash with hot water because if you don't dry off right away it would cool and activate your curse. I know. I've tried everything! I use half a bar of soap a day because of all my hair." Ranma watched as his father averted his gaze. "You know Tendo-kun doesn't bathe much around you. He feels the same way. You don't see him sharing the bath with his daughters, do you?"

Ranma settled back into the furo and stared at the water trying to think. This was a completely unexpected development. "So… what am I supposed to do then? Does that mean I have'ta wait until the bathroom is empty? It's kinda hard to do in the evenings and sometimes even in the morning."

His father had a hand over his mouth and "hmmm'd" thoughtfully while looking at the same spot in the ceiling. "You _could_ wash with your mother. But bathing is out for her for the same reason washing is with me."

"Ack!"

"In fact, the only person it's acceptable to both wash and bathe with would be Akane-chan."

Genma glanced at his son just in time to see the young man's eyes narrow before their morning duel renewed. "Stupid old man," Ranma yelled loud enough to be heard by the rest of the house as he lunged at his father.

Meanwhile, Nabiki and Akane were sitting at the table with their father desperately hoping the Saotome men don't break the furo. Their own father was hiding behind his morning paper. His occasional moans of joy at the potential to remodel the bathroom indicated he hadn't been completely successful in tuning out the battle. "Jerk," Akane muttered under her breath before remembering the jerk's mother was around and might hear her.

A few minutes later the Saotome men slid the door open and entered. Genma had a bit of swelling on his lip and a purple spot forming under his left eye. He adjusted his glasses with a wince as he sat down beside his wife. Ranma found he was without his usual seat and wandered a bit around the table before Akane grabbed his arm and yanked him down next to her. "Sit! And stop pouting!"

"I'm not pouting!"

"You're still doing it."

"Am not!"

"Are, too."

Nabiki entered the not-quite conversation before it could degenerate into a red-eye contest. "Looks like somebody's panties are in a bind. What happened Ranma-kun?" She watched as Ranma crossed his arms and huffed.

"Oh, just some more of Pop's nonsense."

"Well? Are you going to let us in on it or just sit there, pouting?"

"I'm _not_ pouting! Pop's trying to get me and Akane to bathe together," he trailed off as Akane lit up like a star.

"Th-th-that's p-perverted!" Nabiki watched her sister stop halfway to her feet as Akane realized Ranma's mother was watching.

"Why ever would you think that, Akane-chan? It is both right and proper to share the bath with your fiancé."

Ranma cut in ahead of his morally outraged and mortally embarrassed fiancée. "Mom, Pop said I can only use the bath alone or with Akane because I wash as a girl and bathe as a guy." Ranma tried to pin a glare on his father but it didn't stick because the man knew his wife.

"I'm afraid your father may have a point, Sweetie. You and Akane-chan may as well become better acquainted in the bath because you'll be sharing the same facilities at school."

Akane's eyes bugged. "N-no way," she whispered.

Nodoka continued her attack. "Not only is it right for you two to bathe together, it's also very manly for Ranma to bathe with the other girls in your class."

Nabiki did a spit-take on that one, coughing a bit while Akane and Ranma seemed cast in stone. Nodoka simply smiled at the two as if she expected nothing less. "Oh, my, yes," Kasumi added. "If you weren't engaged, it wouldn't be proper but, since you are, I suppose it wouldn't be fair to Akane-chan if all the other girls in the school got to see Ranma in the locker room. Little sister should have many more liberties with Ranma-chan than the other girls in her class."

Nabiki began coughing again and set down her juice while her eyes shifted between the serene, smiling faces of her elder sister and Auntie Saotome. 'Zomygod! They couldn't have planned this, could they? If they're working together…' A quick survey of the rest of the table showed her father sharing a smirk with Uncle Saotome over the lip of the newspaper. Her little sister's visage was flickering between jealousy and horror. Ranma looked fatally mortified.

Reaching around Akane, Nabiki tapped Ranma on his temple a few times and enjoyed how he fell over sideways onto the floor. 'Always a pleasure, Ranma-kun,' she thought and smiled knowing the day would be suitably entertaining.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Early Monday morning found Nodoka kneeling by her son trying to wake him up. She shook him gently calling, "Ranma. Ranma-chan. Wake up. It's time to get ready for school." She tried to be considerate of those still sleeping. Only she and Kasumi-chan were awake, having met in the bath to wash their faces before going about their business. Ranma just smacked his lips and turned away. 'He's such a cute boy. Not bishonen by any means, but cute nonetheless.' "Ranma-chan? It's time to wake up," she said shaking him gently by the shoulder. This elicited a mumbled, "G'way, Pop." 'He's so much like his father; not particularly tall or handsome but cute and endearing.' She sat staring at her boy's face as he slept peacefully and wondered if he'd picked up some of his father's other personality traits. He was certainly a very good martial artist. She knew that took the kind of ferocious single-mindedness she saw in Genma. 'That may also help explain his grades. Gen-chan was never very good at splitting his attention among priorities. He always went all-out until he reached whatever goal he had set himself. He rarely let anything stand between he and his goal. It made him a bit of a rogue but that, too, was attractive in its own way. He was always a bit of a "bad boy,"' she mused. 'That was one of the things I found attractive and it still is. That, and he's as strong as a horse, if not stronger. If he's been training Ranma to be as good as he seems, I'm sure Gen-chan's just as manly as ever. He may have put on a little weight and gained a curse but I'll bet he's still the cuddly power-house he was.'

Nodoka sighed internally, 'This isn't waking my son.' "Ranma? Ranma. Breakfast." It was an old trick, nearly forgotten in time, but two pairs of eyes cracked open and blearily focused on her form in the very dim, pre-dawn light.

Her husband sat up on his futon and flashed her a quick grin before reaching over and tossing her son out the window. In a blink, Ranma was gone and her husband was up and after him shouting, "Time to train, boy! Your mother is cooking us breakfast! A treat such as this demands your highest skills! If you want any you have to prove you deserve it!" Nodoka heard a splash followed by her daughter coughing before screaming, "Why'd ya have to do that, Pop! Stupid old man! You're gonna pay for that!"

Half an hour later, a bedraggled girl and her panda made their way to the bath to clean up. Both realized it was a little earlier than normal and missed connecting the fact to having woken the rest of the house also earlier than normal. As Nabiki stumbled down stairs with a serious case of bed-head, she passed Auntie Nodoka and her older sister heading up and thought nothing of it. Stepping out of the genkan, she walked to the gate, picked up the newspaper and shuffled back inside. She was about to sit at the table for some tea and light reading when she saw what the two older women were carrying back down and promptly dropped the paper to charge upstairs for her camera.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma wasn't happy. That was something Akane could easily discern. All the clues were there; the red-head was scowling fiercely, head down, eyes burning holes in the street. The reason for the foul mood could be pieced together from the largely incoherent, and seemingly limitless, mumbling and grumbling. "Che!" was the all-purpose word of choice and it was sprinkled liberally into her running monologue. "Ranma," Akane tried to interject, "would you _please_ stop whining about it?"

The pig-tailed girl looked up at Akane. "It ain't fair. How come I gotta wear this? It looks stupid!"

"Thanks a _lot_, dummy! You know Nabiki and I and all the other girls have to wear it, too! Are you saying we look stupid?!"

The third person of the trio abandoned her dignity and sprinted several steps ahead before turning around and capturing the moment forever in 35 millimeter. 'This is way to good to pass up.' Her hands were quivering in eagerness. So much so, she was vaguely worried the shots wouldn't turn out.

"Onee-chan, will you stop that? And Ranma, I seem to recall you've worn the uniform before."

"That was different! I was wearing it but I wasn't because I had my normal clothes underneath! It didn't count!"

"You were still wearing it!"

"It was only temporary! This is permanent!"

"Quit exaggerating, Ranma. You can always change back when we get home. Or are you bothered by the underwear?" Akane smirked as Ranma's face burned and her gaze dropped back to the pavement. There had been a very loud discussion that morning about what is proper and what is necessary. Proper won only because it was also an implied requirement per the terms of the deal with the school. 'Auntie Nodoka had to promise she would make sure Ranma-chan presented the proper image of a student and teacher's assistant.' That meant wearing the school uniform in the way it was meant. Boxers and no brassiere are not part of the our dress code if you're a girl. She wasn't even allowed any modifications or additions to her uniform. Ranma almost lost it when Nabiki had offered an old pair of Hello Kitty socks.

Nabiki continued to observe as Ranma fairly stomped her way to school. The pig-tailed girl was not using the fence for "practice" after a choice comment from Nabiki was backed up by her ever-present camera. She considered the events of yesterday. 'Ranma, Oji-san and Akane burned the pledge together after breakfast. The "men" were absolutely ecstatic about it. Then, we talked about how to keep Ranma a girl during the day and someone of uncommon genius, myself, of course, suggested asking Cologne for advice. The old hag got a good laugh out of it and explained about some bizarre waterproof soap. The odd thing is both Shampoo and Ranma knew about it. Shampoo was particularly petulant but Cologne explained that once you used the soap, all chance of being cured by Jusenkyou is lost. It had something to do with how it changed the curse by adding "soap magic" to the mix. I almost bust a gut thinking that had to be the most retarded thing I've heard this week but the granny said the soap is regular soap with a magic spell on it to temporarily modify the curse.

'Anyway, it wasn't really a choice because Cologne said Jusenkyou didn't want to release them anyway at the moment. Whatever _that_ meant. Then, things got serious. Cologne put on her Amazon Elder hat and gave each of the Saotome, Akane and Shampoo the "hairy eyeball." She told us all how continuous use of the soap would eventually integrate the curse into a person's soul. How it has a ward on it that eventually dissolves _something_ about the curse. Ranma-baka was looking in well over his head so Cologne explained it in very small words. "It will make you half-female," was what she said. She went on to explain if Ranma's curse was non-human, it would have been out of the question to use the soap. The victim would act more and more like a blend of the human and animal sides. There, Ranma and Shampoo shared a look of concern like they were affected while they both sighed and relaxed as if it _didn't _affect them - curiouser and curiouser.

'Still,' Nabiki thought. 'It will be a few more minutes before we get to school.' "Say, Ranma-chan, what did you think of Elder Cologne's comments on the curses?" She watched Ranma gulp nervously before lamely feigning ignorance.

"What comments? I didn't hear any," Ranma said almost muttering at the end while she scuffed her new shoes on the street and kicked a pebble.

"Oh? I seem to remember something about how the curses were actually caricatures of the victim's personality. You remember don't you, Akane?" Nabiki saw her sister turn toward her and blink before adding an intelligent, "Ha?". She had no idea Akane was so spaced out. Nabiki was sure Ranma had a frown on her face though she avoided looking anywhere Nabiki cold see. "You know, Akane. What Cologne said about the curses."

Akane blinked again seeming to gather her wits. "Oh. You're talking about _that_."

"Yes. That indeed. I'm surprised you're okay with it." Akane just nodded and went back into outer space while chewing on her lip. Nabiki clucked her tongue. 'This morning's conversation isn't the snappiest.' Returning her attention to the previous nut she was trying to crack, "Sooo… Ranma-chaaannn. How does it-,"

She was cut off by Ranma shouting, "I ain't _girly_!"

Nabiki smiled as Ranma sped up her walk to put some distance between them incidentally irritating Akane for leaving her behind. "Hey! Wait up, dummy!" Then, Akane, too, was off and the couple engaged in a power walking contest on their way to school that cool, sunny, Monday morning.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane had to trot to catch Ranma just before they entered the school. "Idiot! Wait! We have to get your shoes at the school store."

Ranma was already taking her shiny, black, new, _girl's_ shoes off and distastefully stuffing them into her shoebox-sized locker. "I knew that, Akane. I just didn't feel like letting your sister take any more jabs at me."

Akane watched as Ranma breathed deeply and exhaled slowly in an effort to compose herself. It at least partially worked as Ranma's face smoothed and she said, "C'mon. Might as well get it over with. At least we got here before stupid Kuno." Akane nodded and changed her shoes to find Ranma waiting in her socks on the steps.

Walking beside her fiancé, the two made their way down the hall toward the school store. Akane knew Ranma's mother had given her a good deal of money for whatever school supplies she'd need. She just hoped Ranma could keep it from her sister long enough to get everything she needed.

While they were at the school store, which had opened only minutes before, Akane's eyes roamed the stacks of approved footwear and other clothing enjoying the smell of new stuff while the clerk helped Ranma find the right size shoes. That brought up another topic just as Ranma drew her attention by trying a spin-kick in a pair of plain shoes that Akane knew Ranma wouldn't be allowed to decorate. "Ranma, you're going to need gym clothes, too."

"Did ya _have_ to remind me?"

"Obviously," Akane sniffed.

The woman manning the school store asked Ranma for her sizes after the pig-tailed girl gave reluctant approval of the boring, crappy footwear and Akane's gaze snapped to Ranma. She just had to know. Nodoka had taken her "daughter" out shopping yesterday and Ranma had utterly refused to speak a word of it. She knew Ranma had gotten underwear and been fitted for her own regulation jumper, jacket and blouses. For the moment, she was wearing Kasumi's old uniform but Ranma would need clothes that were hers; at least partly because her sister wanted to keep her set as mementos.

Ranma noted Akane's obvious interest and remembered how Akane had been naturally jealous of her size. That had led to the first time she'd shopped for under-clothes with her mother. 'Damn! That was embarrassing. What kind of spa has a giant hot water gun that shoots at people like they're bein' executed?' Stretching up onto her toe-tips, Ranma whispered her measurements into the clerk's ear and thought she'd made a mistake by the scowl on Akane's face before she realized it was a no-win situation and relaxed. The two girls sat in companionable silence as the clerk rummaged through stacks of clothing. Well… maybe not exactly companionable but it wasn't violent and that was a victory in Ranma's book.

The clerk returned with three school tee-shirts, bloomers, and one swimsuit. Those things, along with the shoes, came to a hefty sum and Ranma agonized over parting with it. That was worth a lot of ice cream. On the other hand, 'If Nabiki knew I had this much money, I wouldn't have it for long.' Finally satisfied, the two girls and the clerk bowed to each other.

Akane hissed when Ranma bowed like a man and vowed that if she couldn't teach _him_ manners, she could at least teach _her_. Ranma had no idea what Akane was pissed about so she just stuffed her purchases into her book bag before heading back into the hallway.

It was at this time they both realized something monumental: Ranma would no longer be in Akane's homeroom. She would be going to the new teacher's homeroom. The two stood there uncomfortably for a few heartbeats while they struggled to find a way to say goodbye when they wouldn't really be leaving. They felt weird about it.

"I, uh… gotta go to the teacher's office an' find out where I'm supposed to be… and see the new teach," Ranma finally said.

Akane shuffled nervously. "Okay. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you. Maybe at lunch?"

"Yeah. Sure. Umm. Probably. I don't really know. But fer sure after school."

"Yes. For sure… Of course! It's not like we won't see each other. We live together!"

"Oh, yeah! Hey, an' I'll be teachin' sports an' learnin' to coach so we'll see each other then, too."

"You'd better not be a pervert when I'm not around," Akane added.

Ranma just rolled her eyes and said, "I'd better get going."

The two paused and shared a look where they tried to communicate their feelings on the matter. Neither were very successful but they knew the other tried. The school was starting to fill up and the halls were becoming more active as the pre-bell rush began. Akane backed away and Ranma turned to head for the office of terrible doom.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Inside said office of faculty and doom, Hibiki Amawa sat reviewing the lesson plan he'd been given. Public schools here in Japan all pretty much had fixed lesson plans approved by the school and various government agencies. He sometimes wished he could make up his own plan to teach, like they do in foreign schools, but there was little point in arguing education methods when you were a new teacher. That had gotten him in more than enough trouble at his last school. Besides, math was math and that was what he was going to teach to the first-years in room three followed by three hours of PE, lunch, three more hours of PE, a break, then club support after school. Saturday mornings also started with Math but he had nothing afterward but knew he needed time to prepare for the sports clubs and events that often followed.

Several of other teachers in the office had been introduced to him when he arrived at the end of last week. Many had the look of the down-trodden and he couldn't help but be nervous about his new job. Amawa knew very well he'd taken a job just below the normal scale for new teachers. That really couldn't be helped. He'd been ronin of a sort because he'd been out of school for more than a year. 'The Nerima school system is notorious enough to strike fear in the hearts of teachers all over Tokyo,' he thought, waxing poetic.

The other teachers began leaving as the daily grind approached. One of the teachers leaving bumped into someone entering and the whole office became silent. Amawa heard someone ask, "Where is Hibiki-sensei," and looked toward the door. He nearly gasped at how beautiful she was before recognizing that this young woman was really a man and the student teacher he was to train. Getting out of his chair, he offered her a shallow bow.

She returned a deeper one, as was proper, before straightening and playing with her pigtail. "I'm Saotome Ranma. Sorry about this."

"I've read quite a bit about you, Saotome-kun." Amawa was rewarded with a blush from this Ranma who lowered her eyes. The rest of the teachers seemed to have unfrozen and were leaving for their classes. Perhaps the weirdest teacher of all, Ninomiya Hinako-sensei (who apparently had some kind of genetic disease keeping her body child-like) stopped in front of Saotome, frowning around her lollipop.

"I hope you learn to be a good student! If you are delinquent, I will punish you."

Then, just like that, she was gone, skittering down the hall like a kid on a sugar high. Amawa shook his head noting Saotome seemed in fear of something. 'Saotome-kun has probably been reprimanded often by Ninomiya-sensei. 'She _was_ his English teacher… her English teacher. Wow. This is weird. It would be a lot easier if Saotome-kun stuck with one gender or the other.' Hibiki Amawa let out an internal sigh, 'I have no right to make judgments _there_.'

Ranma stood just inside the door to the Teachers' Den, as she thought of it. Most of the other teachers had left for class when she stepped in to ask where Hibiki-sensei was and announced herself. She'd had a pretty good idea it was the younger guy she hadn't seen around before. The thinly veiled threat Ninomiya-sensei made had left the poor guy looking kind of spacey. Ranma smiled her best I'm-too-cute-to-be-trouble-smile hoping it would work and get her _something_ for free but then she promptly ruined any effect it might have had. "Yo! Teach. You okay there? I ain't late am I?"

Amawa sweat dropped at Ranma's street slang and masculine speech. "I am Hibiki Amawa. Are you ready for this?" At Ranma's nod, he continued, "Class is about to begin. Let's head over there and I'll introduce you." Picking up his textbook and notes, Amawa headed out the door with his new TA following him silently. Neither teacher, nor student realized the other was speechless for the same reason; disbelief at the situation. At the door to classroom 1-3, Amawa stopped and turned to Ranma. "Please wait here while I inform the class. I'll call you in and you can introduce yourself."

Ranma stifled the urge to run, choosing instead to lean up against her new class's outside wall trying not to notice the two boys and girl darting into the back door. She'd been late often enough to know that's what they were trying desperately to avoid. This crazy business about her being a female assistant teacher to the same grade she's in while being a female student at the same time had her as nervous as being in a room full of cats. She was sweating - badly - and was seriously starting to wonder if she shouldn't have used the men's room before class. It was probably too late now, anyway.

Hibiki-sensei's voice could be heard inside the classroom. Ranma imagined the noise that erupted meant the announcement was out of the way. A few footsteps were all the warning she had as Hibiki-sensei slid the door to the classroom open and asked her to come in and introduce herself.

Trying to work the spit back into her mouth, she walked in with a smile, turned to face her fellow students, and felt her stomach drop into her shoes. She bowed. Thankful it helped hide the faces of all the students she knew. "Ehehe… I'm Saotome Ranma. Pleased to meet'cha and… sorry about this." She jerked her hand back down, perhaps a bit too abruptly, after realizing she'd been pulling at her pigtail and turned to her mentor. Hibiki-sensei seemed to understand she was stuck.

"Saotome-kun, please write your name on the board," he said and turned back to the class. "Saotome Ranma-kun will be a student during this class and two others. However, she will be my assistant in Physical Education and will also be coaching, or participating in, some of the women's sports teams."

Ranma's hand froze on the chalkboard as the whole class went into an uproar. Mechanically, she worked to finish her name while the teacher worked to regain some semblance of order in the class. A hot bath, at home, sounded really good about then.

Having finished as slowly as possible, she turned around to face the class. The comments she'd heard weren't encouraging. "Ha! Saotome's really cursed!" "He's a freak. He'd better not even suggest changing with us." "Maybe he'll like being a girl and decide to date one of us guys." "He's not coming anywhere near me. He's a pervert. Tendo Akane even said so lots of times." "Hey, Ranma. What are your three sizes?" Several people jumped on the boy who asked that last question demanding to know if he was stupid, or insane, for asking. Ranma just sighed.

As Amawa began to regain some form of control and the students settled back down, he was still concerned about whether this… arrangement… would work out. "Saotome-kun _is_ a woman at the moment. I can see how there may be an issue,-" he started, but was interrupted by one of the girls.

"He changes back into a guy with hot water!! How are we supposed to share a class with _her_ when _she_ could change back into a _he_ at any moment?"

It was a valid point, he had to admit but Ranma took the opportunity to interject, "Momma an' I worked out a deal with Cologne for some magic soap that keeps me from bein' a guy for a few hours. All I gotta do is use it in the morning an' after lunch t'keep from changing. I'm… uh… pretty much stuck this way until I graduate… I think."

One of the boys in class broke the silence. "Woah. You can't change back until you graduate?"

Ranma shook her head. "I can when the soap wears off in the evening. Just, not during the morning or afternoon… if I use it after lunch." Ranma's eyes drooped as the class digested the news.

Amawa used the pause to add, "My instructions from Vice Principal Hamasaki are to mentor her in being a Physical Education instructor. A few of the other teachers and I will help Saotome-kun catch up in her studies. Saotome-kun is to be female one hundred percent of the time while in school and during all school related activities. Will this be a problem for anyone?" Amawa heard a number of assents, some chortles and whispers of various comments the students didn't want either himself or Saotome-kun to hear.

He was surprised, though, when one of the girls stood up and, instead of lodging an objection, asked, "Will Saotome-san be _on_ the teams?"

Ranma became truly frightened and looked it. She knew the answer and it wasn't being on school sports teams that rankled. It was being on the girls sports teams that scared and repulsed her. 'I'm gonna be surrounded by girls actin' girly all o' the time. Crap! Crap, crap, crap, crap…'

The silent litany continued as Hibiki-sensei fielded that question. "I've been given the understanding that will be the case. I don't know which teams she will join, or which will _allow_ her to join. My impression was she'd probably be on several of them, although I'm not sure how many are practical. She _does_ need to study hard to catch up and too many after-school activities will interfere with her studies."

The girl who had asked scrutinized the nervous red-head before proclaiming, "We want her on the swim team. Well… I'm pretty sure we do. I have to check with the team captain but I'm sure we'll still want him… her. We'll work something out for the showers," she yelled over the protests of several other girls. "We have our first meeting of the year right after the school lets out for break. We could use an ace on the team."

Ranma gulped and nodded. She knew she would be asked to participate in the sports clubs. Another girl slowly eased up out of her chair. "I-I need to check with my sempai but we might want you on our team, too." There were a number of gasps and a few of the boys clapped and cheered. The class all knew Yuuko was a member of the cheer squad. Ranma didn't so she put the girl's threat into the same category as the swim team's.

Another student stood up. This one a male. "Is Saotome-san going to be in our class from now on?"

Hibiki-sensei seemed to get the meaning and replied, "Only until the end of the year which is a couple weeks away. Next year, Saotome-kun will join the first-years."

Ranma's humiliation was now complete. He was a girl and was being held back. Her eyes fell to the floor and lost their focus as her mind wandered in misery the path that led her here.


End file.
